MayB. Loves to Party.

2007-02-17T02:12:00.001+08:00

i forgot to mention:

do re-link me, people. or link me up now! -smiles.

i will miss blogspot, oh yes i will.

2007-02-17T02:08:00.000+08:00

I'VE OFFICALLY MOVED TO:

flyofftomoon.livejournal.com

GO THERE! :)

2007-02-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

Borat: "GREAT SUCCESS!"

hahaha. i just finished watching Borat not long ago. it was funny. slapstick humor.

if only talking to you in person was as easy as talking to you online. my mind stops functioning the minute i see you. screw it.

what happens when the man you thought you love and adore, turns out to be a huge fucking bastard? the advice given: steer clear of him. i'll steer clear of you now, ________________"

and people, stop talking about that butt-slapping incident already. hell, why wouldn't you people just move on, get on with life and stop talking about that incident? i'm so tired of hearing all those nonesense. look, it's in the past. i'm sure you all have something else more worthy to talk about. stop digging on other people's past. it's irritating, yes.

run away from it.

we all need a break. i'm tired of walking, i think i need a rest.

BOSTON- AUGUSTANA.

in the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun.
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed.you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you.they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you
you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

she said i think i'll go to boston.
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain.
i think i'll go to boston,
i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new tow, to leave this all behind.
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice.
boston.where no one knows my name...

exactly.

think you'll hold my hand, and lie down with me? tell me.

2007-02-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

sick. i hate being sick. can't seem to recover. oh wells. it'll take time, yes.

when the one i want isn't you, but him.

sometimes, we can't help but be selfish.

i ought to lose some weight.

and i think i should learn to start working hard to get what i want.

2007-02-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

feeling so...tired. and moody. and im still sick.

oh, but some good news though. my left knee and back are perfectly fine. it's just muscle overstrain. so i've been ordered to rest for a couple of weeks, and also to avoid having to squat down.

but honestly, i think the doctor's crap lah. his attitude was so bad. he made it sound like as though im lying to him about my injuries. *pfft.

so there may be sports mm presentation tmr, depending on our luck when we draw lots. i hope we'll present next week instead. -crosses fingers.

what happens, when you fall so hard, it hurts so badly? they'd say that when you fall, you have to learn to stand up again. but how do you do it, when you're so tired and sick of everything that happened to you? i wonder.

walking away.

we, ever so foolishly, chase after things that are so materialistic, or are so intangible. why?

this is the last time that i'm ever gonna fall. because the next time, i won't let you get to me.

till next time. -maybs.

2007-02-03T01:23:00.000+08:00

pfft. i'm sick again. yep. don't know who passed the flu and cough bug to me. craps.

sick and injured. not good.

don't come near me, i might pass the bugs to you. flu bug, cough bug, sore throat bug... i can't pass to you my knee and back pain though.

and mr. steven, please don't bully me when i have back pains already, ok. you fat bumble bee.

just heard some news which irritated me in some ways. dude, you can always change the names and yada-yada, but you cannot change the hearts of the people, you get it? stop making changes. it will only cause more disturbance and conflicts.

maybe it's the sickness plus the bad weather that's been getting to me. i'm getting irritated so easily. BAH. lethargic.

i realized, that ever since she's gone, i've been falling sick easily, and continuously. i can only take care of myself now. nobody to rely on to keep me in pink health.

i had the weirdest dream last night. ask me and i'll tell you. i'm not going to type it all out, because it involves certain people. but the dream was so WEIRD. i must be nuts to be able to dream of that. so...impossible to happen, in reality.

oh, and training later. i wonder how it's possible to run with a very-blocked nose and frequent coughs.not to mention that bugging back pain. i hope i don't collapse. -crosses fingers.

but then again, i'm a self-proclaimed SUPERWOMAN, so i should be fine. =)

time for bed.

2007-01-31T17:11:00.000+08:00

today i feel so down and out, my heart feels so bloody heavy. school, relationships, friends.

this very moment, somehow i wish i never entered TP.

such a sad and pathetic life. me.

2007-01-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

i so fucking need to rant now.

boo-hoo.

2007-01-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

Can't think of anything else to update about. but i'm awfully bored right now, and i know my blog desperately needs to be updated. so here is an email i found amusing. email courtesy of Leslie. =)

50 things you ought to know if you were born in the 1970s/1980s:

1. You grew up watching He-man, Captain Planet, MASK, Transformers, Silver Hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget Ninja Turtles, My Little Pony and Smurfs too..

2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug.The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.

3. You know what SBC stands for.

4. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.

5. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.

6. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEP! when pressed..

7. There are colourful tickets forTIBS buses. The conductor will heck for tickets by using a machine which punches a hole in the ticket.

8. Envelopes given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day.

9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.

10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.

12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.

13. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street .

14. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka (20 cents per pack), and Ding Dang (50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week. Not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.

15. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers .

17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.

18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'... you just couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

19. Catching was the IN thing and twist as the magic word.

20. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

21. CDIS were your bestfriend.

22. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised characters in 16bit colours walking about trying to teach you maths.

23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

24. Boys loved to play soccer with small plastic balls in the basketball court.

25. Teng-teng, five stones, chapteh, hentam bola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...

26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fish.

27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wally & Mr. Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks?

28. We carry out experiments of our own to get ourself badges for being a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.

29. Every Children's day and National day you either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with 'Happy National Day 1994'.

30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.

31. We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.

32. Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.

33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.

34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

35. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.

36. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.

37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

39. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

40. Boys like to catch fighting spiders.

41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

42. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard catch.Friend like you, hard to forget".

43. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk somemore, I write your name ah!"

44. There were at least 40 people in one class.

45. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.

50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable.

okay, it's not exactly 50 things. it's only 46 things. the email cheated me. but i hope it's quite funny, and brings back certain memories. =)

2007-01-30T15:37:00.000+08:00

right, so now we are having a break from Sports MM now. and my back is practically breaking right now. PAINNNNNN. ohmygoodness i-feel-like-snapping-my-back. arghhhh.

but anyway, i just read JZ's blog. i was quite touched, actually. thank you for telling me all those. i will keep it in mind. you have me as your sister too. =)

i feel absolutely lonely without the companionship of my handphone now. it's dead, all thanks to my scatteredbrain-ess because i forgot to charge it the night before. HAHAHA. oh wells

oh, and i cut my hair short. like real short. i feel so TAT-GLAM now. hahaha. oh wells. we'll just have to wait for it to grow longer.

apparently valentine's day is coming soon. but i guess for most CMM-ers, we are all so caught up with project deadlines that everyone forgot about it. i know i did. hahaha. but anyway, people, i'm still AVAILABLE! selling myself eh. HAHAHA.

i thought about it, and i think i should still say it out. though it might sound boring and pathetic to some.

i'd say, i thought we were just this close to being together, but you gave up. i tried, and i guess it's obvious i failed. you didn't tell me in the face, you just showed it huh. let me tell you now, if that's the case, then i think i'm better off without you. i'm stopping, RIGHT NOW.

i'm better off being single.

life has been pretty rush-y, with deadlines and all. and late nights out with my friends has been all good. the only time where i have a social life is only at night, cos' that's when i've finished rushing all the projects. i'm thinking of a late night movie at somewhere. anyone?

after today, i'll have a bit of a breather. the next deadline is next week. but still, i've got other priorities, so no holidays. i'm dreaming of Thailand and Mount K. these days. -grins.

i guess my blog is not as profound as others. all my random thoughts in this blog.

when oh when, will my valiant knight, appear before my very eyes?

there comes a point, when you feel so tired of trying, you just feel like giving it all up. i so wanna give it all up. i'm losing the motivation, the drive. argh, DAMMIT. yea, incoherent rantings. *pfft.

no photos, not yet. not in the cam-whoring mood these days. bummer.

wonderboy, where art thou?

2007-01-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

we're just mere strangers.

i hate it when people start to play the roundabout game. quit playing it with me. just TELL me what you want.

and we start to wonder, why do people pretend to be interested, when they're not? be it relationship, or superficial friendship.

playing hard to get. everyong does that. i admit i do. but at a certain point, it backfires, does't it?

karma is such a bitch. likewise, love can sometimes be such a bitch too.

ohmygod. RUSHING projects and assignments nowadays. no SLEEP. so deprived of it nowadays. oh. and there's the mediacorp interview tmr. -SHRIEKS!

security uncle chasing us off. ciao!

till next time. -maybs.

2006-12-30T19:01:00.000+08:00

i am feeling so awfully bored right now. because i am waiting to go shopping with the people. and charmaine, she's taking so long to change lah! ohmygod. nevermind. i can just hear the sales calling me. i will endure! HAHAHA.

the dim sum craving hasn't gone yet. i'm still craving for it. like ALOT. dim sum, anyone? but Bedok 85 is fine with me too. stingray and bak chor mee is <3.

tomorrow is new year's eve. and then new year. BUT...i have to celebrate it by filming PSA lah. oh, and also chiong-ing other projects. rather sad huh. oh wells. teaches us one lesson: never do work last minute (yes, i can hear the mountains of people saying "aye!" to that)

we're just mere strangers.

wanted to type more. but charmaine's down already. i can hear my shopping trip calling out LOUD now. till later.

maybs.

2006-12-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

it's been quite awhile since i've blogged. alot of stuff have happened since this period of time. loss of a close one, heartaches, politics, school work, love, parting, and all that stuff. oh wells, i'm a busy woman eh, what to do. HAHAHAHA! =P

so i guess most of you people by now would have known that my mom passed away on 18th Nov, yep. it has been quite a shock, i guess. i thought i was prepared for it, but when it came, i was just so shocked that i was at a loss of what to do. so much for being mentally prepared huh. oh wells. it has been quite a difficult period of time for me, really, but thank god for all of you guys. a big THANK-YOU to all those who have supported me through whatever means, whether is it through sms, calls or even by just coming down to the funeral/wake. thank you all very much. don't worry, i'll be fine soon. i'll be strong. i just need time to get over it, to move on. TIME. yep.

mom, i know you won't be able to read this (duh!), but i hope you will be able to know this somehow. thank you for all the years you have brought me up. thank you for tolerating all my nonesense for 18 years. sorry i was so rebellious back then. words cannot express how much i'm so grateful that i have you as my mother. you never told me or showed your sadness when i did something wrong that upset you. i'm sorry for shouting back at you for so many times; i was an angry child who thought her own parents preferred her sibling more than her. i never knew you worried about me so much, i only found out much later. i love you mom, i just didn't tell you. i guess i did it a little too late.

she said: "i love to see you eat, because i know you're enjoying it. when you're eating, it looks like the food is really nice. when i know you're enjoying it, i'm happy too." -- i'll never forget the time she told me that.

i love you mom, always and forever. and that never changes, not ever.

okay, i think i should stop whining. move on, and get on with life. time never stops, does it? =)

alright, next! this week has been term test week, and my oh my, what a pain in the ass it has been. okay i know i shouldn't complain and whine because i only have 2 papers, but it's so brain-draining eh. oh wells. now i can only hope that i'll get a decent grade for the tests. oh please, give me that B+ for both subjects, lah!

well competitions and camps are all coming up during the holidays. busy, huh. oh yah, not to forget, assignments too! individual and group projects. BUMMER.

and, i'm going back to FLOORBALL. yes, that! think i ought to go back now. yep. now i hope i'm welcomed back by the team. -hints! HAHAHA.

recently, i have a craving for dim sums lah. SIEW MAI, HAO KAO! oh man. i'm loving it. but i haven't got the chance to eat my XIAO LONG BAO yet. -hints again. HAHAHA.

and...i'm addicted to BRIDGE right now! i've been playing it like everyday. i only learnt how to play that game a few weeks ago. but really, it's a really interesting game. awesome. haha.

i'm going to stop here now. fucking menstrual camps giving me hell right now. BAH.

till next time. -maybs.

2006-11-17T04:06:00.000+08:00

there are a lot of things that i wish to say, in this entry. but i guess probably by now most of those stuff that i want to say to the people concerned are not important anymore, cos' it is the action that speaks more than the words.

but anyway, here's some of it. ( words from AUNTIE/NAI-NAI (99). =D )

i never regretted playing floorball, at all. there were tough times for me when i started playing floorball; i almost wanted to give up the sport. coming from a uniform group background in secondary school, i never understood sports at all. i was FAT in secondary school, hence it's rather obvious sports wasn't my kinda thing back then. so when i came to TP, it was by sheer fate that i joined floorball- i didn't even know what floorball was when i went for the trials! HAHAHA. but another twist of fate brought me into the sports, and i guess i really enjoyed playing floorball.

i might not be a good floorballer, but i'm proud to be in a good team. a team that never gave up trying, a team that created small miracles, every now and then. who would have thought that during the last IVP we would hold NUS all the way till the last 2 minutes of the game before buckling under their fierce attacks. who would have thought we would clinch 2nd place in Pesta Sukan U19. and who would have thought, lo and behold, we would draw ITE for POL-ITE with a last second goal. not that i think we don't deserve all these credits; i think our girls worked hard for it, and we deserved to enjoy it.

what Jac and many of the other girls said was true. i know i never regretted playing for TP in POL-ITE. "Play like a Champion, Fight like a Champion". in my heart, yeah, TP Girls FB are champions. we might not have a medal to our name, but im proud of the team because we never played dirty floorball, and we never gave up without a fight. and it's true- let history write that TP Floorball Girls was a team that never gave up trying. i know i've tried, and i know the team did try too.

i guess it's really hard for those of you who read this to really understand how i feel. 1 and a half years of time spent with these girls, sweating it out with them and pushing our limits both mentally and physically during trainings. this kind of friendship and bond i feel and share with TPFB team, it's irreplaceable. i guess at the end of all these, i just want to say a BIG "THANK YOU" to all of you girls for supporting me all these while, and tolerating all my nonesense on and off court. HAHAHA.

it's hard for me to leave the team, really. cos' i know in the future, i'll feel weird on every Thursday evenings and Saturday mornings (training days). i know i won't be fit anymore, cos' i'll stop running if i don't train. but we can't always have the best of both worlds, we have to know what are our priorities. yep. so yes, i think i made the right choice.

anyway, just a shout out to you girls. it's been a real pleasure to play with you girls, really. thank you all for making floorball so wonderful for me. i really love all of you girls. TP WOLVES! =)

till we meet on court again, girls.

#99.

PS: but i promised i'll be back (if i can), so wait for me! =)

2006-10-23T10:28:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAHA yes! i've updated my blog. one entry, many photos. yep. so...i think for this entry i'll talk about LEGAL 18 day, Floorball chalet and Lantern Festival. yep.

okay let's see. LEGAL18 Day. it falls on 19 Sept (duh, of course!) and it was a blast.! i got a hell lot of SURPRISES from some of my dearest friends (thank you thank you! i LOVE surprises. HAHA!), enjoyed myself for the day, and even the Nation celebrated my birthday with a splendid display of fireworks. like how NICEE. (the fireworks are actually for the IMF people. *BAHH.)

so this is my chocolate fudge cake! woot!

HAHAHA, i would like to thank the following people:

Gwen & Nic Mok- for surprising me with the DELICIOUS chocolate fudge cake, i thought i was only meeting Gwen for lunch in school because i had to go back school to find my wallet. THANKS!

Vicnan & Isaac- for "conspiring" with Gwen&Nic to surprise me with the cake. ASS! hahahaha. but you know i love you guys. =)

theCENTISGANG girls- Mong Ling, Eng Xuan, Hui An & Xue Yun. thanks for the Adidas bag yeah! i didn't know you girls bought me that as well. HEEE =) i really, really LOVE you girls! -grins.

Tat Ming- for buying that big ELMO plush and surprising me with it as well..! thanks for going all the way to Marina Square's Toy 'R' Us to buy it! woot!

theGAYCLUBCLAN- Derek, Kay & Farhan- okay Farhan, although you're not in the picture i remember you were there on that night! HAHAHA. thanks guys for the Adidas bag as well.! i love you guys too! -smiles.

Eddie, Su Fong, Jean, and ___(i really can't remember your name!)- thanks alot for coming yeah..! -hugs.

and NOW i present to you, the pictures on LEGAL18 Day:

DINNER.

FIREWORKS!!

then, there was the Floorball Chalet on 24-25 Sept i think. well, i think everyone of us had fun. yep. more of such chalets soon, people! =D

thePEOPLE outside Macdonald's chilling out at the wee hours.

then it was a game for crazyTWISTER...

then SLEEP...

Breakfast at Macdonald's the following day.

Oh, and this was the "lovebite" i got during the chalet. from theCHARCOAL, at the neck area. there's an unsightly scar now. SIGH.

then on one of the days, gwen, me, ryan and charmaine went to SENTOSA.

yep, and this was the helium SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS balloon that Gwen and Kay bought for me. THANKS GUYS! =)

and on Lantern Festival, the FloorballGIRLS celebrated it with the great old traditions, of course. LANTERNS and MOONCAKES.

and now...the "famous" MISS SWAN face! [brought to you by Elvi. =D ]

okay.. i think that's all for this entry. NOW, do i still owe anyone an entry? please do tell me and i promise i will write one for you! =) YEP.!

2006-10-05T19:12:00.000+08:00

hahaha, yes, i know i owe ALOT of people this entry. and probably the next entry. and the following one. but people, stop scolding me for not updating, lah! time, time, i need time! *PFFT.

alright anyway here's one, aye.

let's see. alot of things happened during the period of time when i haven't been updating. so we played for Pesta Sukan Under 19, i'm officially 18 and so am legal for almost everything, attended tons of camps, chalets and bbq-s. oh, and TPFB guys won Division 2 too. yep.

Pesta Sukan Under 19. we clinched 2nd position. yeah. kinda a small milestone for us, i would say. who would have thought that TPFB girls would go so far in a national competition like this? not bad at all.

the indoor air-conditioned courts where our competition took place.

yeap, that's my medal. second one in my one-year odd floorball "career" so far.

yeap. and then over that period of time, me and this group of TPFB girls regularly go down to Tampines Sports Hall on weekends to support the guys during their Division 2 matches too. oh, and FYI, the guys are the CHAMPIONS for the Division 2 league. awesome.

the girls concentrating on the match.

and then there was more cam-whoring as usual...

and the guys celebrating one of the many goals:

and on one of the nights (i can't remember when!), we had a bbq at charmaine's house. most of the senior girls turned up.

and as usual, all theBOX know is to EAT..HAHAHA.

uh huh. and then on one of the days (i can't remember when again), we went to eat sakae sushi buffet! HAHAHA.

after that it was ARCADE time! hahahaha. reliving the good ol' times. then ESPLANADE.

niceee eh? okay, i think this is enough for one post. another LONG post coming up, for my thank-you post to all those people who were with me on LEGAL18 Day! =)

2006-09-23T02:01:00.000+08:00

im in love with Grey's Anatomy. haven't you heard?

and in that show, im totally in love with HER.

how can one not be? she's one hot woman. plus, intelligent.

anyway, updates on my 18th birthday celebrations and floorball camp soon.

2006-09-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

WARNING! uber long entry. DO NOT read when you are sleepy.

i've been trying to update for the past week about what's going on in my so-called busy life, but blogger's being such a bitch by not letting me post after i've done typing it. bugger.

anyway, here's a little update on what's been happening.

on the 4th to 6th of Sept, the TP Wolves (Girls) have been competing in the Pesta Sukan Competition (Under 19 Category). the competition is a 4 vs 4 man match instead of the usual 5 vs 5 man match. and the match will only consist of 2 periods, instead of the usual 3. the competiton uses the knock-out system, so we only had to play total of 3 matches to determine the winner. so it's like a win or die situation.

anyway, to summarise all 3 days of the competition, i would say it was really tough on TPFB girls. our opponents were really strong, we really had to fight hard to go into the finals. i think all of the other teams we competed against were all really good too, but just that Lady Luck was on our side, for most of the time. we lost to Pasirians in the finals though, so we were 2nd place for the Category. getting 2nd place was really an incentive for us; we never thought we could have gone that far. great experience for TPFB Girls.

on sunday (10th Sept) we had a BBQ over at charmaine's place. it was kinda last minute, so only the senior girls were invited. it was really funny, cos' everyone was being kinda retarded over at the place. Janice (theSALT) was being her usual "Miss Swan" self again, theBOX was eating, eating AND eating (As Usual), theCHIPS was helping to BBQ [THANKS!] (you look fine in that shorts!), theBIMBO (oops! =X) was being such a good chocolate fondue mixer (YUMMY!), theHAM was acting cute when i was taking photos, theCHEESE was so chirpy, Charm was BBQ-ing too [Thanks!], and Elvi and Ash who turned up later were great company too. i talked to Ash for the first time during the BBQ. hahaha, it was so weird. cos' i thought she was all cool and fierce when i first saw her. never seen her smile before. we kinda chatted briefly for the first time, it was abit weird. =X she looked so much more friendly when she smiles. HAHAHA. the food was good too, i love crabsticks. yep.

PHOTOS FOR BOTH EVENTS WILL BE UPLOADED SOON.

so today is 17th Sept. which means it's 2 more days to my 18th birthday. somehow, im not really excited about it. maybe it's because the enthusiam of having birthdays have worn out after living for 17 long years, or maybe because i dread knowing the fact that i have grown OLDER without achieving much accomplishment in life, except for the dreadful fact that i have grown significantly fatter. sigh. to think i used to look foward to my birthdays so much. a few months ago, i thought of making my 18th birthday a blast. now, i dread to see that day come. weird, huh. i guess it's just me. HAHA. anyone celebrating for me? -BIG HINTS. hahaha!

just read this email that Shu Min emailed to me. thought it was really sweet. i don't know if the story is true, but i know that in that story, the lady must have felt loved, by her husband.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say, "I love you even more this year, than last year on this day. My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."

She knew this was the last time, that the roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day. Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.

He always liked to do things early, way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.

She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair. While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.

Then, the very hour, the doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.

The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago," the owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know. The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance. Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance. There is a standing order, that I have on file down here. And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.

There also is another thing, that I think you should know, he wrote a special little card...he did this years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, that's the card that should be sent to you the following year."

She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...

"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone.
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.

Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.

I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness that we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.

The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt!
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him
and place the roses where we are, together once again.

Note: i edited the following parts below because i thought it didn't fit into the story, i think the people who first sent this email added it in.

Sometimes in life, you find a special someone;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it."

This is indeed, true love.

thank you http://www.splatco.com/david/ for the picture!

heard the news that Steve Irwin died. he got stung by a bull stingray. oh man. being an Animal Planet fan (yes, i do love watching the documentaries on animals of all species), it's really depressing to hear that one of the great giants in the world of Animal Planet passed away. sigh. but i guess what Cheryl said was correct, at least Steve Irwin died doing the things he loved the most, which is to bring information about wildlife to the audience, and educating us about it. he was such a great environmentalist. i salute to his tireless efforts to bring wildlife as real as it is to the audience, and for being such great entertainer, conservationist, environmentalist, educator and son to his father, Bob. sad to hear the news. Steve Irwin, you will always be one of my idols in Animal Planet. =)

it sucks having to see her suffer while i can't do anything. i wish i could do something to ease the pain. i wish i could tell her face-to-face how much she mean to me, and how much i love here. but i really can't say it out to her, that's just not me. this is one battle she have to win, and i'm really praying she will overcome the sickness. i love you mom, and i always will. stay strong!

floorball. im trying my best to improve, yet i seem stagnant at this stage. honestly, it sucks to see others improve and me still stuck at where i am. yeah, it gets frustrating for me to see myself miss all those shots or lose control of the ball. at times, i feel like slapping myself for being so lousy. sighh. i really want to improve so badly, but nothing seems to work. it's like hitting a dead end. i don't know what the fcuk is wrong with me now. yes, unfortunately. bah, dammit. i will work harder, yeap, i'd better. =X

anyway, enough about that. S2006. BORING. i'm so glad i don't have to work so many days after all. hooray.

on a lighter note, the TPFB guys made it to division 1. congrats guys! it's a great feat, considering it's the first time you guys ever tried to compete in a league (division 2), and on the first try get promoted to division 1. cheers to TP Floorball.! you guys deserved to win.

fell in love with a boy. -now tell me, what's next? give it up, or go for it?

playing the suspense.

2006-08-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

hahaha, finally im done with photoshop-ing the photos for TPSU AGM.

and im over and done with BMR paper. it was a...disaster. the paper was alright. i think i panicked, big time. cos' time wasn't enough for me. how did i critique a literature review? by saying it has good references, throughout three-quarters of the review. oh man. sigh. it's over, i can only pray i pass the paper. Film Theory's next. please let me pass this too. -shrugs-

okay, enough of that. and so i present to you..picutres from TPSU AGM..! =)

*Note: the photoshop skills kinda suck, please bear with it.

yep...okay there you have it, all the photos for AGM..! woot, took me quite some time to photoshop and upload it. =)

don't rip off from my blog eh! ask me for it and i will send it to you! -hugs-

2006-08-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

ohmygod ohmygod. BMR exam in about 13 hours time. screw it. im really scared right now. help!

screw BMR.

if there's one subject we all dislike this semester, it has to be BMR.

painful subject. i dislike it.

let me pass the exam please! i so badly want to pass it, or better, do well in it.

back to studies.

2006-08-24T09:31:00.000+08:00

hmm okay i just realized it's time to update, no? i shall do so now, before i embark on the BMR-studying marathon. hell, im going to study till my eyes pop out. bah, get it over and done with. i hate BMR. period.

last wednesday (i think), i went out with Yu Cai and Jestyn. we didn't go town or whatsoever, just a small catching-up session at Serangoon Central's Macdonald's. we had some food, and we chatted for quite awhile. i even saw my primary school friend Jason Chua. =) inside the Macdonald's there was this bunch of Peicaians boys, obviously ah bengs. the reason why im saying they are BOYS is because i find their behavior highly child-like. im not mature, this i know, but i DON'T play wrestling inside Macdonald's where people are queueing up to buy food, customers are trying to get pass them risking the chance of getting knocked by them, and making things difficult for that poor kid who's trying to clear the trays because it's her job. IDIOTS.

FOOD... i love Apple Pie!

anyway after Macdonald's we went over to Toa Payoh Stadium to watch the National Martial Arts Competition, or something like that. it was awesome, seeing the people compete in various events. i even met up with Kiwi over there. he was there to support his friend. we were there to support Jestyn's friends. hahaha. anyway it was a good experience, first time i went for such stuff. not bad. heard Kiwi even won some medals for some events. nice one, Kiwi...! =) the catching-up with Jestyn and Yu Cai was really nice. it's always nice when the 3 of us meet up. Love =)

all of the participants for the event...Males Category (Weapon) or something.

Crouching Tiger! hahaha =)

Jestyn's friend. Wow.

the senior citizen's category, i think.

me and Cai. -smiles-

Jestyn. camera shy. HAHA.

Kiwi and brokeback mountain partner.

then on last Friday, i helped out for TPSU AGM. it was really funny, and SHOCKING. Gucci, Gwen, Lindee and me were like cam-whoring for the whole night, throughout the whole AGM. then there were the Door-man gang to entertain us. and of course the 4 of us to entertain ourselves. it was really funny.

*NOTE: there are actually alot of photos that we took at the AGM, but Blogger's being such a bitch. everytime i try to upload pictures onto the blog, my internet explorer (or better known as Safari in Mac's terms) crashes, and my whole entry disappears. absolutely horrifying. will try to upload the pictures again, soon. =)

anyway, after that we went for dinner. SHOCKING experience, i would say. we had dinner at Tampines 206, i think. anyway that's not the point. the POINT is, someone went to eat with us and he/she was rather uninvited. it was pretty damn obvious. and trust my luck, i had to endure some crap at the dinner table. VIOLATED, hah. but it's already over, no point in trying to fight back or beat him/her up or something. but he/she better know his or her limits. or i'll BITE! hahaha. =X

but it was quite okay, the whole event. even though we practically did nothing for AGM; it was pretty obvious it was a case of too much manpower (manpower overdosage--HAHA!) , had some hiccups at the dinner table (NO COMMENTS) , it was still fun and all, just hanging out with the girls. i love them! HAHAHA =)

on a more serious note, mom got admitted to SGH again. apparently there's a blockage in her large or small intestine, and it's causing her an intense amount of pain. yikes. hope she will recover soon enough. i can only afford to go see her after my paper on Friday. exam's are such a bitch. rest well, mom! i love you. =) just felt like typing this out, even though i know she probably won't even read it. i feel at least a tad better saying it out.

and so, im panicking over BMR now. so MANY things to study, so little time. ARGH! geez, now im scared. Friday, 2.30PM. yikes. okay, i think it's time to study. pictures soon, as soon as Blogger stops crashing my Safari..!

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

2006-08-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

im here to update what happened on tuesday. it's long overdue, yes i know, but i took quite some time to photoshop some of the images, cos i was basically taking my own sweet time. but better late than never! haha.

anyway this was what happened on tuesday. i happened to walk to the bookshop to get some snacks before going back to the design studio to find gwen. when i reached the bookshop, i saw theBOX. she was shouting ______ so bloodly loudly that it's impossible to miss her. so i joined her outside the bookshop to snack for awhile. then theCHIPS joined us. then theBIMBO. and alot of many others floorball girls too. while we were waiting for many others to join us, this was what happened.

theBOX wouldn't stop eating! all she did was to EAT and EAT and EAT...goodness! hahaha. it was so funny just seeing her expression when she sees the snacks.

after snacking outside the bookshop, we decided to head back to the studio to find wannie and gwen. on the way, something hilarious occured.

theBOX decided to take a picture next to a palm tree (i think). and look at how she posed. FUNNY lah.
*disclaimer: i have absolutely no hatred, prejudice or whatsoever towards the filipinos okay!

so after the somewhat retarded pose, we made our way to the studio. we found wannie, and then there was the usual cam-whoring session for all of us...

theBOX just wanted to be in almost every single photo. she's the ultimate CAM-WHORE. she even outdone me. woah. HAHA!

yeah anyway after that we went to find gwen. then head off for dinner together. it was an all-girls TP Wolves dinner. we had dinner at this place near the 7-11 that is near Tampines Sports Hall. it's this muslim restaurant at there. we had noodles in banana leaf. nice!

the remains after we finished eating.

so the day ended after dinner and we all went home. i enjoyed the dinner, cos' the company was really funny. theBOX, you're theBOX yeah. no other BOX can beat you. keep on being so...erm...FUNNY! =)

oh then on wednesday i went out with yucai and jestyn. i took quite a bit of pictures during the trip too. will blog another entry about it soon. with photos of course. but for now, im too lazy to photoshop anything.

today was fine. i spent like half the night helping gwen and her group edit the proposal. the proposal was erm...full of mistakes. i had a hard time editing it, cos' im not a design student and i do not know all the terms and design layouts! but nonetheless it was funny with gwen, chang boon and maveric. yep.

oh yeah. just remembered. i want to do shout out to TAMMY ZENG. thanks babe for the earrings! they're really nice. thanks alot babe. theBUTTON earrings fetish. hahahaha. yay =) you study hard for your exams too. we gotta mug really hard.! =)

okay. im feeling a lil' tired of typing. think im gonna stop now. another entry will come tmr maybe. HOHO.

we're so APART. dang. if ONLYs.

2006-08-15T15:14:00.000+08:00

hahaha as you all can see, i've changed my layout, to an orangey-based one. it will only be temporary, i think. until i can find a better one, or until i start missing the picture of my face on the blogskin again. HAHA!

i've gotten myself a new assignment. well, sort of. i'll be doing a poster, i think. some ideas are already starting to form in my head. gotta start on it quick. i'm excited.

and so we handed in our last and final assignment for the semester-- our radio commercial and radio drama. i think it's pretty okay, our work. i'm quite happy with it. i think i did some decent editing and all, though my voice recording was abit crappy. i think i need to fine-tune my voice if i want to go into the radio industry.

i have a sudden craving for gummy bears. -grins-

didn't go for bmr lecture today. was halfway thru my journey from home to school when i realized i forgot to bring the md which contained our audioproduction work, so i had to stop and go all the way back home to get it. so retarded. and i felt so forgetful. hahaha.

cramps. they're hurting so badly right now. !@#$%^&*&^%$#@! pain. don't mess with me this few days, i'll probably snap at you. Grrrrrrrr.

geez, and it feels so weird, as i imagine your lips on mine. =X

and im falling sick. or rather, i AM sick. my stupid nose is giving me problems now. and my cramps are really a pain. and i've got this sneaky feeling im gonna get a sore throat soon. bahhhhhhhh.

oh and Liverpool won the FA Community Shield. Hip Hip Hooray! we so deserved to win it. yay. =)

need to start planning what to do for the holidays. looking at mmy current schedule, i doubt i'll get much rest. sigh.

Give me a reason why I'm feeling so blue
Every time I close my eyes all I see is you
Give me a reason why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side I just fall apart

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you
Beautiful these three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on

But give me a reason why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down spinning round and round
Now give me a reason why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me
You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

You know I miss you
This is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you
You know I miss you
This is all I wanna say I guess
I guess i miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on...

2006-08-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

just came back from TPSU Sub Comm Camp. it was..all right. honestly, i didn't really enjoy it. for all sorts of reasons. but i guess my group was really funny with people like caleb, john, ling yu, hui an, ben song, jason, etc. etc. Group IV. thanks to those who stayed all the way till the end of camp. you guys rock. =)

and through the camp, i saw how FOOLISH i was. i will never again be like that. hahaha, wth.

everything just felt so surreal.

so i'm back from the camp, with a different mindset. oh well. better late than never. there's BMR tomorrow at 10am. and im done with school at 12. and i can't remember if i had something on, or not. my memory is failing me. shites. im OLD! no!! -faints-

i had a scare on thursday's training. it happened after training, when we were packing up. i had something like an asthma attack. my chest felt really, really damn tight, and i had trouble breathing. i was practically gasping for air so badly. i felt giddy too. the tightness in the chest was really scaring me then. it felt so hard to breathe normally. at one point, i was so sure i was going to faint and just die. stupid thoughts. HAHA. but im fine now, so i think i should be okay. right? hahaha.

why can't i be sad? am i expected to be happy all the time, and smile when i see you?

so now's the FA Community Shield match between Liverpool and Chelsea. we see so many new faces in Liverpool FC. awesome. im looking forward to Liverpool's performance this season. i think the new Liverpool squad will do well. yep. the new Liverpool jersey looks nice too.

You'll Never Walk Alone. but why am i walking alone? HAHA. =X

old man (you should know who you are), i don't know if you know this, but i love you too! HAHAHA. not love as in in terms of relationship... okay you should know what i mean, right? do take care of yourself, Centis can't afford to lose you. haha =) any day you need someone to rant to, you can find me! haha. don't be sad, tomorrow will be better! take care alright? -grins-

Crouch just scored a header goal. it's 2-1 now. whoopie! haha. and my Alonso's substitued on, and he got booked for a foul that doesn't looked to be valid enough for a yellow card. grrr.

i think it's time for a new blogskin. im tired of seeing my own face! hahaha. geez.

When you're close to tears remember
Some day it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
And though it's darker than december
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high...

2006-08-09T02:37:00.000+08:00

i swear i was going to wallop you if you weren't going to shut up.

maybe the reason why i refused to talk to you or even smile at you is because i dislike your attitude. get it?

now stop being an ass and leave me alone, can.

stop being so nice to people and then bitch about them behind their backs. i've seen far too many of that dirty old tricks.

and don't you lie in my face.

your attitude gets on my nerves, if you are wondering. and not only mine, i rest assure you.

oh shut up shut up shut up. you stupid piece of trash.

argh, i shouldn't even be listening to your bragging, and your crap.

give me a break.

as if not being able to rush in time to esplanade to watch fireworks is bad enough, i have to endure this crap.
not being able to watch fireworks really spoiled my mood. i love fireworks. oh well.

maybe tmr will be a better day. that is if things go according to plans. or if somebody or something don''t try to do funny things.

oh, and i truely believe i don't deserve the 'cold shoulder' treatment from YOU. either you tell me what's wrong, or we end the friendship, or whatever is left of it. so be it.

2006-08-04T22:40:00.000+08:00

i FINALLY handed in my film theory today. Im so friggin' happy. i handed in ON time.

but on the other hand, im so TIRED now. I haven't slept much yesterday night. And tonight, im working for this swimming event from 2am to 11am the next morning. I regretted switching with charmaine the shifts. I think im really gonna regret it. OH MAN. But nevermind lah, I guess.

So with film theory done, what's left is audio production's radio drama and BMR research paper. Oh yeah, and exams too. I can't wait for everything to be over, so we can all take a breather. i NEED it so badly.

Ever made decision that makes you regret it so badly, it almost tears your heart apart?
I've made PLENTY.

but none beats the decision, of letting you go, of letting the place and the people go. Not that you or anybody will ever know about it. But I guess, it's time to move along, no point staying put and dwell on the past. The recent spate of events have made me realized that one must treasure the things he/she have while they can, cos' once you lose it, it will never come back. Never ever will.

Hey YOU, stupid guy, talk to me when you see me ONLINE okay? I can't wait to talk to you again! =)

the pain I feel, it feels so real.

don't come so close to me. It gives me the wrong idea. I would very much prefer to be right on track. thank you, VERY MUCH.

Walk a mile in my shoes, and you will understand the pain I feel. Making such snide remarks like that, especially if it is regarding such a sensitive issue like THAT, it sucks.

Sorry CENTIS peeps, for not going to the dinner. I was really too tired to go out and have dinner. Didn't even have the energy to laugh or smile. Another time, perhaps?

I think...im off to bed now. waking up later, for work.

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way this story goes,
You always smile....
But in your eyes your sorrow shows

No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know...

"That I have always loved you.
Someday, you'll know." ---mayb.

2006-07-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

the day went...pretty decent?

sunday was good. i went back to beacon. saw lots of babes and hunks. not to mention my eye candy 33. yes, HIM. awesome. definitely brightened up my day, but the trip ended with a tinge of regret. sigh. then there was the floorball bbq. the food was awesome, the brownies even better. KARMEN, remember to bake on 19th September! *hints.

grey's anatomy's awesome. really really nice show. WOW. hahaha. it's my favourite channel 5 show now. you guys should go watch it too! haha. okay, random.

blown away.

S2006 is retarded, i tell you. the uniform is...UGLY. geez. i think we look like toilet aunties. HAHA. oh well. and i'll most likely be on duty during my birthday. oh mann. fireworks on that day though. at the esplanade. watch out for it, people! =)

so much stuff to do tmr. im gonna run tmr. growing fatter eh. not good at all.

I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine
I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say

2006-07-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

i just wanted to say to you, mongling, that i really love you so much! hahaha. yes, i just proclaimed my undying love for you. unless theONE comes along, of course. then i think you'll probably be cast aside. hahaha.

thank you babe, for being so patient with me today.
thank you babe, for letting me shop for awhile even though we were rushing for time.
thank you babe, for entertaining me today.
thank you babe, for laughing along with me even though i laughed damn loud at the train station.
thank you babe, for trying your best to look for chinatown complex.
thank you babe, for tolerating all my nonesense and "sarcasm".
thank you babe, for choosing to eat dim sum. (siew mai was good.! =D)
thank you babe, for gossiping with me about the latest news. haha!

thank you babe, for today.

i love you! =)

hahaha. now tat ming, don't give me the "okay, you are crazy and weird" sentence again. haha.

hmm, the window shopping trip was fun today, even though we had to rush from chinatown to orchard like mad people. i enjoyed it. heeee. more trips like this soon, yeah? hahaha i know i know, after exam, right? hahaha.

im not a lesbian, im a bisexual. get it? makes sense to me. now you should try to get it right. yes.

i love watching movies like "The Godfather", "The Pianist", or even "Citizen Kane". some of the movies are so old, but yet they're so nice. it's amazing how hollywood directors can already produce such good quality movies even way back in the 1980s or 1990s. a sentence from "The Godfather": "you want to vaffaculo? i'll vaffaculo you too, you stupid _______!" hahahahaha, wth.

i need some vitamins. and some TLC. haha.

french class tmr. training too. i want to see SOMEBODY. =X

2006-07-26T13:59:00.000+08:00

sigh, politics, politics.

it's stupid how people often fail to see or hear the other side of the matter before they judge a person. that's how humans are like, i guess. judgemental.

don't claim credit for the things you never really did, or that are not true. the project, it was a combined effort. don't claim it as your own. we did it together. not YOU alone. so stop claiming credits for the stuff you didn't do.

it's sad and annoying how people judge me without even knowing both sides of the story. they just hear that side of the story and judge me based on it. hey, do you guys even know what's going on? what's real and what's not? i daresay i put in tons of effort for the project. but you, you foolish people, just fail to see it.

just because i shut up and pretend i don't care, doesn't mean i don't know. i just choose to avoid it, that's all. ignorance is bliss. hah.

sometimes, it's so tiring to be in CMM. dealing with politics ain't my forte, i hate it. it's tiring. argh. you stupid, lying two face person, i hope you get your retribution one day. bah.

on a lighter note, im going window shopping with MongLing today. yessss. after postponing it for so long, we're finally going out. awesome! hahaha.

the promise. don't you forget it, yea.

audio production's going rather okay. commercial's almost done, should be starting on the radio drama next week. yeahhh.

lunch was good, too. talking and laughing with the people i've come to love, sharing jokes and experiences. i don't get to do that often now, with the stress and workload from school and all. i could always do with more lunches like today's. =)

okay, im going home now. then out to town. till later! haha.

2006-07-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

shut up especially if you are saying something that is entirely not true.

i didn't tell you? come on, come up with better excuses can. i can show you the conversation history if you want.

in the conversation, i told you to do the thing, and you said OKAY.

and then you tell the others that i didn't tell you to do it? come on lah.

this is seriously pissing. i DID tell you to do it. so don't go around telling other people i NEVER told you to do so. that's CRAP okay.

WTF. i feel like slapping you so much.

stupid shit.

2006-07-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

when will we ever see the light?

thinking about what im gonna do for multi-camera production demonstration proposal. probably origami.

maybe i have lost the touch for good. sometimes, i don't even know what im doing on court. the ball right infront of me, yet it seems so hard to even pass it well. it's so shitty. honestly.

i don't feel good when i suck on court. i don't exactly feel part of the team yet. i don't know why. im confused. and lost. shites.

the day was okay. had some things on my mind. thinking about what some people said. planning what i should do next.

but i ended up being lost.

i feel like a lost child, stranded in some foreign place. having no idea where to go, what to do, how to get out of there. the comfort of home and company of familiar people seeming so...far.

sigh. one of those i-think-i-really-suck days. sigh.

the days go by and we walk on by.

i wonder if all along it was a plot to become [the supposedly by others] close to me, for that period of time. so that i could bring you in, to our small "family". from then on, we would talk, go out, have outings and all. but after that particular "school event", it just stopped. was it a motive of yours to use me, so that you could rope in them for their help or service? i don't know. maybe it's paranoia. but you can't blame me for it. everything just happened so suddenly.

or maybe yeah, it's just the projects and all that's keeping everyone apart.

how can you tell the difference between a really good friend and a superficial friend who backstabbs you behind your back? i can't tell the difference. so i choose to believe and forgive, for the benefit of you. i don't think im being magnanimous, im just... i guess, just letting it pass.

what is the life we all sought after, the life we dream of having?

the life after death. for Man will never be able to be satisfied with what they have in life, but only wish to have more. only in death would all material wealth or porverty be unimportant, it is the soul that matters.

audio production tmr. radio commerical time.

2006-07-13T15:52:00.000+08:00

im tired, really tired.

i need some "fuel" to keep me moving. going on, never stop.

help.

2006-07-10T13:56:00.000+08:00

maybe it's because it's so hard to reach you, that makes the heart grow fonder.

a case of deja vu. and questioning of the conscience.

what to do now. i feel guilty for not saying the truth to you. but if i said it out, it could hurt both of us. bah. im caught in a dilemma now. bahhhhhh.

im fine, thanks for the concern. i love all of you. hugs and kisses. =)

hmmmm. it feels kinda weird, when i saw you online. i dont know how to explain it...it's just...weird.

anticipation only leads to disappointment. sometimes.

im injured. well, kinda. my back is aching like hell now. and my leg, the blueblacks are big and ugly. and they hurt. i think i hurt my back either when i fell against the board or when the opponent ram her elbow (or something sharp) into my back. ouch, the pain (haha). but it's nothing, compared to the injury cheryl suffered.

oh, and tp wolves got 3rd position in the end for the floorball carnival. and i got my first medal for floorball and TP. it kinda means alot to me, being it the first. but it's kinda sad though, only 17 of us got it. it's a pity, because i feel that all those who played and came down for the games deserved it, for being so supportive and all. but hey, i got my first medal for TP floorball..! i hope there'll be many more to come. yes. haha.

playing against people like jill quek and sonia and many others just really make me wanna work and train harder to become a better player. and prove to myself i can actually play. haha. m not at all satisfied with the way i played and my temper. try even harder next time.

such a bumpy ride, this journey.

i took so many photos recently. an entry full of photos will come up soon. yes.

do as you say, act as you would. that's how i love the way you are.

im hungry. LUNCH..!

2006-07-07T01:47:00.000+08:00

the day went all terribly wrong. it was crap crap crap crap crap.

i think i need chocolate pocky to cheer myself up. but then at the same time, i dont want to get fat. oh, crap.

so lousy, the day. nothing to feel happy about. and i was totally not focus during training. for reasons i can't think of.

crap.

chocolate pocky, PLEASE...

so crappy, the day. bahh. tmr [friday] is another long long day. argh, crap!

so @#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@ now. i just feel like cursing in the house. but my family members would probably scold the shit outta me. rahhhhhh bahhhhhh. sigh.

i think you must be sick of the word "crap". oh well.

i dislike doing film theory journals to an extent. i hope the pushing back of deadline is confirmed. pleaseeee.

i dread next week. and the week after it. and the weeks after it. ahhhhh!

i heard someone's quitting my course. dude, i hope you know what you're doing. is it really worth giving up? after so long and spending so much bloody efforts on all the projects? my honest opinion: if you quit, it shows how weak you are. don't give up. like yeah.

now back to journals. i hate watching boring movies. pirates of the caribbean: the dead man's chest, ANYONE? hee. =)

2006-07-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

film theory journals due on friday. need to start on it soon.

and i saw you again today, after so long.

when i saw you, my mind just went blank. i couldn't cough out any words, couldn't think of anything.
your appearance just shook my world. a world that i thought had no trace of your existence at all.
i had so many things i wanted to say to you, yet you walked away. from that moment, i knew i had let you walk out of my world once again.
i wonder when i will see you again. do i have to wait for a long time again?
see what you have done to me now. i can't think properly now, and my heart feels as if it's going on a rollercoaster ride.

but i miss you so.

but i wish that i hadn't seen you today too. so that i could escape from having to go through this emotional ride all over again.

oh bummer. bahhhh crap.

a proverb i heard during apel class: he who angers you conquers you. interesting eh? haha.

the silent cries of the heart.

world cup later. will Portugal go through? or will the old [ in terms of age] France squad win it? think it would be kind interesting to watch. but c. ronaldo and thiery henry sure irritates the hell outta me. but henry is really good, when he score goals. c. ronaldo? his attitude stinks lah. oh well. im supporter of neither side. Italy to be the champions! =)

*it's all about you now.

2006-07-04T09:37:00.000+08:00

too much toy-hammering on the head gives you a really, really bad headache.

now my head feels like bursting.

the after-effects of toy-hammering.

and i missed out on bmr quiz yet again. there goes my precious marks. [/edit i managed to do the quiz. haha.]

i feel sick. and in pain.

haha, the TP elections are here. and so many people are asking me to vote for them.

not that i wouldn't vote for them.

i know whom i gonna vote for. and which ones im NOT gonna vote for, for reasons they ought to know themselves.

support me next year though. im running for TPSU main comm! i think. hahaha. but like what kay, zhi hao and the rest say, that's next year's stuff. hahaha.

for the first time in tertiary education, i yearn to learn. i want to excel, and show YOU and myself what im capable of.

hahaha, and i just realized someone viewed my profile. someone who drives a 8-seater car. *BIG HINT* hahahhahaha.

and somebody made some very interesting comment about me on saturday, when peili and i were at tampines sports hall. haha!

i want nothing to do with you anymore.

i wanna go Sentosa soon. arggggggghhhhhhhh..

[/edit] oh, i forgot to add. there's a new meaning and action when you are trying to act out a BATTERY. it involves a square sponge and long rubber tube. haha. MILK THE COW! =)

2006-07-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

i'll start life from now on afresh without you, without the event in my memory.

2006-06-28T04:39:00.000+08:00

dammit. know what? it can never be the same again.

this thing, this whole big irritating shite, can never be erased from my mind.

hell no.

im pissed, im frustrated, im angry, im sad, im depressed, im devastated.

note: it's not the person in the previous entry. it's another person, it's YOU, dammit.

dammit.

you have no rights to intrude on my privacy, you have no rights to judge me by your perceptions.

what the hell.

im sad. and stupidly depressed.

it's never easy.

i doubt you people even care about how i feel.

it's not funny when you are making some cruel jokes about people and about me.

argh. dammit.

i need to talk to someone! argh!

yes, maybe it's time for me to go on a hiatus.

whatever.

2006-06-28T03:11:00.000+08:00

just one song that evokes the emotions, just that song that brings back the memories.

im feeling damn emo right now.

i wonder if it was the right decision that im made about you.

i wish i had more time to think about us.

it is only after your absence, that i realized i have so many things that i want to say to you.

the fact that you are gone, leaves all the words are left piercing thru the heart.

im really sorry.

will you come back and spend the nights talking to me? like how it used to be.

but it's impossible, i guess, because you were so determined to be alone.

i guess this is, the final goodbye.

just one song that brings out the past, just that song that reminds me of you.

2006-06-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

so this is a second update for the day. shall talk about last saturday, eh. had my floorball match on saturday. we lost, but i guess we deserved it. i really wanted to win, but i guess it was enough. oh well. after match, the group of us headed to kfc for lunch. yummy. as usual, i couldn't help but cam-whore. yeah, i know im not that preeeetty, but it ain't gonna stop me from cam-whoring! hahaha.

the classic, silly face.

yes, cam-whoring again. this time round, was wearing the shades JZ bought back from Europe. i love *blings* *blings* shades! haha.

jian wei wearing my shades. caught him on camera during one of the funny moments.

then after kfc, i head down to my ex-workplace; beacon at east coast sea sports club. i always wanted to go back and visit the windsurfers and my ex-colleagues. i haven't seen them for say, 6 months. i haven't been back there for that long. as expected, none of the windsurfers can remember who i am! hahahah. oh well. but hey, i spoke to 33 for the first time that day! yay! hahaha. i finally spoke to my long term eye candy. but he looks really old now. age is catching up with him. he has a windsurfer girlfriend now, i think. awesome! haha. take care, 33. or should i say, 34 (this year). =)

oh, and when i went down to beacon, i saw this really hot 6 pecs bod.! gosh, the body. haha. his face was rather handsome too. and i spoke to him too. *winks* HAHAHAHA. now i really sound like major bitch who only know how to look at guys. photos time again.

there's nothing like the beach. east coast beach.

jessline (floorball) and me, at beacons. yummy wedges! haha. =)

seeing the windsurfers surf just made me feel so nostalgic...

ohhh, the clear blue sky. clear blue sky, after the rain? =)

so after the visit to beacon, i head to pasir ris for zhongyou's bbq. it was at pasir ris holiday flats. so ulu! i had absolutely no idea where it was at. and yucai and me got lost. and stepped into mud. so tat-GLAM! hahaha. anyway the bbq was fun, the food was nice. yep.

zhongyou, the CI who got stucked with us for all 4 years of our NPCC life. thank you soooo much, big one! =) thanks for sticking through everything with us, whether thick or thin. we love you! =) have fun in the Police Academy! im sure you'll do fine, even as a Private. heeee =X i'll call you soon. dont say i never call or sms you! hahahaha. =)

meeting up with your old friends are really niceee, especially meeting up those whom i have never met for 1 year plus already. =) haha, the good ol' times. lovely.

i WANT to see you. but where on earth are you? sigh.

the things you do, that drives me crazy. the smile you give, that makes me go gaga.

2006-06-26T13:49:00.000+08:00

okay, hahaha, finally an update. =) the blogger website ain't working at home, don't know what's wrong with the home's wireless. hah, oh well. so im updating now in school.

Brazil's Ronaldo scored 2 goals. maybe he's finally getting on form. or maybe not. we shall see as world cup progresses. and oh, Ghana got thru to the final 16! that's like big news. i mean who would have thought that Ghana could actually go so far? but Ghana's a good team. their passes are good, and their stamina is superb. it would be really nice to see them go far, but too bad they're playing against Brazil the next match. im biased, so i would want Brazil to win that one. Australia are playing tonight, against Italy. which means i can see harry kewell. i hope they win.

the match on saturday was well...okay, i guess. yeah, we deserved to lose. though i really wanted to win. i wasn't really 100% focused, i had things on my mind. im wondering what to do with you.

on 21st June (the saturday before last week), had a family&relative dinner, to celebrate JZ's birthday in advance. we had porridge at this place in Jalan Kayu. weird place to have a family gathering.

the place the dinner gathering was held.

erm Cantonese (i think) porridge, anyone? =)

the remains after a really heavy dinner of porridge and dessert. the "cousins only" table where i sat at had so much EGGS for dinner, i bet they all hate eggs after that night. so many types of eggs they took and ate, lucky im not an egg eater. i dislike eggs.

my cousins and i sure can eat. haha. the dessert they served was really nice. i like the tao suan and theorh bee bur. yummylicious.

then on last Monday to Wednesday, i went for the Centis chalet at downtown east, pasir ris. the chalet room is so SMALL. imagine trying to squeeze about 20 odd people in a room that is meant for at most 6 people. yep, we did that. the chalet was fun for me though, cos' i had fun playing xbox tennis and racing[which i totally suck at], betrayal [it's a board game!], eating bbq food, etc. oh, and playing mahjong at cal's [spelling?] house too. playing mahjong with alan, jodin and calvin was funny. all the nonsense starts coming out. phrases like "PAO ARH!" starts coming out. haha. funny stuff.

bbq. i love eating bbq stingray. i had my fill just eating that. woot. bbq-ed marshmallows are nice too. haha. and xbox. i was surprised to know [at the end of the chalet] that the xbox is provided by the authorities. i thought someone brought it to the chalet! haha. i love playing xbox tennis. i think im not bad at it. [tat ming, cal, chang yong, derek, jodin: dont laugh.] i love that black tennis player. he's good. and with me controlling him, we're not bad. hahaha. i love that game. my partner, chang yong, was awesome too! with him as my tennis partner, i dont have to worry. hahaha. as for xbox racing...let's just say it involves lots of car flips, wrong way, car banging, and last place. =X

then there's the board game called BETRAYAL. im totally addicted to it now! hahaha. i love it. we played betrayal like two nights in a row. overnight. and we won the house only once. how sad. it's a really nice, freaky game, which requires you to have loads of imagination and thinking. i like that. and it really requires luck too, cos' you have to roll dice. i suck at rolling dice! those who played the "banshi" round will know how unlucky and lousy i am at rolling dices. we lost because i rolled the wrong dice. oh well.

this is how the whole game looks like. we play it in the dark, with candles lit. freaky atmosphere, niceeee.

one of the omen cards. the holy symbol. it's my favorite omen card. i dont know why too, it just is. =X

and then of course, we have some of the random moments.

alan sticking his head outta cal's car on the highway, in the middle of the night, as we head over to cal's house for mahjong.

i couldn't help but cam-whore for a moment with one of the characters on Sesame Street. haha.

then zhong you's bbq with npcc people on last saturday. how i miss them. oh, and lex, kiwi, gucci, hui an and mong ling, can we go out together soon? i didnt get a chance to catch up with you guys during the chalet. go out soon, so i can catch up with you guys! haha. =)

and most of all, i miss you so. what am i supposed to do. you remain so elusive.
it's hard to get thru to you, when you are so far away from me. so so hard. i hate having to wait for your reply, when my heart threatens to burst with anxiety. haha, oh well.
if it weren't for otc, maybe i wouldnt even have known you at all. we're two people of two different worlds. your world is so different from mine. maybe thats why there's a wall between us.

there're some things i wish i could tell you, but i can never get it outta my mouth.

2006-06-17T03:18:00.000+08:00

so my brother JZ (in my humble opinion,as childish as ever!) finally came back from Italy. after 6 stinking months. he travelled to Anfield, 9 Europe countries and don't know how many cities. i can't help but feel jealous. i want to spend 6 months studying in Europe too. =X

good news is, he brought back quite alot of stuff for me. he hasn't finished unpacking yet (i think), so he hasn't told me which and what stuff he brought back for me. but, how come i don't see any food at all? hahaha.
bad news is, he's back to terrorize me again. trying to get his body odour onto my pillow and bolster (he obviously stinks), trying to suffocate me with some other family member's pillow (which stinks like garbage!), and being a pain in the ass.

the ulcer's still there. it won't go away!

my biological clock is screwed up again. staying up every night to watch the world cup is crazy. i sleep at like 5am, and have to get up at 6 plus 7am to get ready to go. i only sleep for like an hour! crazy. but i guess it's okay, after all world cup only happens once every four years. =X

and really, so far, England plays really BORING football. so much talk, yet they produce such poor performance up till now. tsk tsk. even Ghana plays better than them, though the country lack quality strikers/finishers. i hope Spain will go far, they play really exciting football. and also because Alonso plays for Spain. hahaha.

god, the heartaches.

according to my mom, weekends are booked for the family. Later, family&relative dinner to celebrate JZ's birthday which falls on the 21st June. we're celebrating early for him (how come i dont ever get to have one?). then on Sunday, i think mom's going to Aunt Mabel's house, or im staying at home to tidy up my room.

stupid menstrual cramps are here again. dont agitate me. i'll probably snap.

i finally understood. i'll no longer pursue blindly, and try to grab it when it's so far beyond my reach. i'll learn to listen to my heart when it wants to speak, as faint as it may seem. i'll learn to embrace changes, walk away from the past and into the future.

for all that had happened, i've finally found peace.

i love listening to sad or emo songs. =X

2006-06-13T00:53:00.000+08:00

im sorry i cant be what you want me to be. i just cant. it's tiring.

friends come and go. maybe i've appeared, and now im leaving. it's just so hard to talk to you anymore. it's so suffocating. have i become so distant that we all have to be so cold to each other? it's so weird. sigh.

need to chiong my assignments. it seems to be alot, all of a sudden. yikes. holidays end on 25th June i think, which is not long from now. about 10 more days. right? =X wait, when do holidays end? hmm.

friendly match in a few hours time. travelling to yishun. need to reach by 8am. hopefully i'll get to play some good floorball. hope i'll perform well. sigh.

tell me it's some sort of a cruel joke. or a nightmare. so that i can wake up from it. or laugh it off.

went for ah tan's (darren) surprise birthday party just now. arrived late cos' we were busy painting the liverpool logo. was going crazy trying to paint it. but the end product looked pretty decent. was kinda proud of it. haha. this is how it looked like:

kinda nice, aint it? =) the logo was at the last page.

the cover page. it says: "Happy Birthday To "Stiff" Man Ah Tan."

the portrait of ah tan himself. erm, 6 pecs! woot! hahaha.

the well wishes from centis..

the artists. =))

the actual photos that we took during the party are all in mongling's camera. will get it from her and post it up soon. yeah. did i mention, it was so damn paiseh today during the celebration? ohmygod. i wanted to dig a hole and hide so badly. alvin ting, i would have killed you if you weren't my senior, friend and ex-FA. so awkward. gosh.

oh, and i saw the-HIM-who-appeared-in-my-dreams today in school. seems like everytime im in school, i'll see him. fate? hahaha.

the thumping heart. and the dizzy spell.

oh, and Australia won! 3-1. the last 10 minutes or so of the game was just wonderful. to see Australia comeback from 1 goal down was awesome. i think they deserve to win, for their fighting spirit. =)

i have an ulcer on my lower lip. just near the area that when i talk, the teeth will always brush against it. ****ing painful. i cant even talk properly now. no more salt treatments please. it hurts like hell. bah.

yes, im definitely gonna start doing my assignments. tomorrow will be a good day. yes.

2 more days to the return of my all-time terror, mr. JZ. i hope you got me a handphone strap though.

...oh no, i forgot about getting the internet connections back! damn. somebody reccomend me a good one? help! =X

2006-06-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

i am totally exhausted. yet, im proud of what i managed to draw. you'd better appreciate it, or i'll kill you. will show you guys the drawing tmr. too tired now.

off to camp infront of the tv now. it's world cup time. =)

pretty boy, you're doing it the wrong sequence.

that's not the way to do it. doesn't humor me at all.

i think im developing a fever.

shrugs.

2006-06-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

im currently watching the world cup opening ceremony now. im damn excited. world cup, it's finally starting! after much anticipation. woot, lovely.

i cant wait to see the players work their magic on the field. im rooting for brazil to win the world cup, as always. =)

ohhh, the traditional folk courtship dance is really nice.

now the countries who have won the world cup previously are coming out now, their countries representatives. for brazil, the greatest brazil squad ( Pele,Carlos Roberto,etc.) they ever had for world cup, till now. FIFA invited all the once greatest footballers of the world to represent their respective countries. nice.

but so many of the footballers that once played beautiful football are all quite round now. =X

i just remembered. the world cup commercial just reminds me so much of the Band of Brothers commercial. especially the ending, dont you think?

anyway, the day has been so boring for me. my brother's coming back next week. 15th June, i think. he's so gonna kick my ass when he comes back. but i cant wait to see the stuff he bought back for me. hoho. =X

the next few weeks are going to be so crazy. wolrd cup, changes here and there, chalets, and many more.

i wanna go sentosa. soon.

it's quite touching to see how much the thai people love their king. after 60 years, they still love their king so much that they start crying when they see their king. haha.

brazil will start their first match on 14June. against Croatia. i'll be infront of the tv. haha =)

i love raisin bread. yummy yummy.

2006-06-07T10:26:00.000+08:00

oh great. early in the morning and im already so suay. gotten myself several injuries (elbow, face and my eye -_-) for being careless, and arriving so damn late for my make-up skills test.

and now, screwing the test up. so much for hoping to sail through it without difficulty. ms. chee offered me some advice, which i thought was really true. sigh. it's either now or never.

maybe i was never destined to be a media person. gosh, i dont know. i need to double up.

starting on my individual multicamera sutdio production TV proposal now. better start early, or i'll never get it done when clubbing and chalets approaches.

hmm, what's my company/programme logo and name gonna be?

-1.27pm-

i just came back from lunch with some of the centis people. i saw him again, today. at mensa.i went to eat there, and i saw him. haha, but he didnt appear in my dreams yesterday. haha. but guess who appeared in my short dream last night? chandini and someone i cant remember! cant remember what was the dream either.

and i think one of my fellow GL in Cenbu is cute. hahahaha. i only noticed it after the FOW/FOC camp. woot. another eye candy! i like...hahaha.

i want you to tell me the words i yearn to hear. really.

icechocolatewithcreamandcherryontop. yum.

2006-06-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

i wanna work in a pet shop or farm, i think i'll love the feeling of being surrounded by animals. i wanna give up working as a waitress.

there are alot of things i wish i had done, but then there are alot of things i have not done, yet.

i LOVE chocolate flavoured pocky. there are like the nicest tidbits/snacks around, other than the chocolate flavoured hello panda biscuits, of course. erm, random.

i have make-up skills test tmr. getting the jitters. i hope that i'll pass through this, without difficulty. dont let me screw it up. bah. all the studio terms and procedures, making me nervous now. help!

i just remembered something funny. "tell me the tales that to me[or you] were so dear, NONG NONG ago, NONG NONG ago...' hahaha, one of the classical moments of Singapore Idol this time round. but then again, kudos to those who dared to try for SI. cos' honestly, i wouldn't have the guts to do so. maybe with a group of friends, yes, but certainly not if i had to go alone. so bravo, mr. NONG! =S

this word document that roderick (the freshie from centis) sent me was really funny. however the contents of the article are quite sensitive and related to my current school and the authorities, so i shan't show it here. but you guys can always ask me for it! it's funny, i guarantee. i wonder if the person who wrote it ever did send it to the authorities. hahaha.

im back to watching One Tree Hill on youtube. i love Peyton. she's sexy, and so, so intelligent. she drives a rather nice car too. woo-hoo. maybe i'll try to find Grey's Anatomy on youtube too eh. missed quite a few episodes. remember Rosswell, that alien show or something? i loved Isabelle in Rosswell. she's in Grey's Anatomy too! haha, now i sound like a tv freak. i haven't touched tv for like the last few months. youtube has somewhat become a substitute of tv for me. yikes. =X

back to (multi-cam test) freaking-out time.

of lipkisses, infatuations, deceptions, recklessness and temptations.

2006-06-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

the munching sounds.

i realised that this someone have been appearing in my dreams, and that that someone appeared in my dreams again, not so long ago. and today, when i went to school, i saw him. i dont know who is he, i dont even know him. he just appears in my weirdest dreams. in all of my weird dreams, the people always change, yet he always remains. i dont know who the hell is he, but he surely left a deep impression in me. freaky.

maybe one day, i'll figure out who you are, and why you keep appearing in my dreams.

my mom and my next door neighbour sure can gossip. if i want any latest news about my neighbourhood, i just have to ask them. today, they were gossiping about some neighbour who lives directly downstairs of my house. they were gossiping of how gay-ish he is, how he is such a clean freak, how he trains his dogs to bark whenever it's going to rain,etc. etc. they were even talking about why he isn't married yet! and the weird part? that gay-ish neighbour of ours likes to come up to outside my house and peek inside, as if inspecting my house. peeping tom! hahahahaha.

i want my life to be filled with laughter and joy, and not tears and sadness.

it's been a long time since i've sat by the beach, watch the sun set, admiring the darkness that sets in. maybe it's because i have become too busy to have time to stop and enjoy the nature's masterpiece. sad, huh.

there's this emotion inside of me that i cant explain. it speaks of heartaches, anger, jealousy, sadness, yet has a tinge of happiness. i dont know how to explain. but this feeling wont go away. bah.

and again, someone said i look abit like a malay. do i? hahaha =)

2006-06-04T02:25:00.000+08:00

haha, as you can see, i just changed my layout! to a very simple yet nice one, eh? haha. i like it. i will add some more finishing stuff to it, perhaps like some music or photos of my own. will take some time though.

and oh black-black-one, no owen pie please, thank you. haha.

im currently reading tuesdays with morrie. it's nice.

2006-06-03T12:16:00.000+08:00

there's an arsonist living at my hdb block! or likes to frequent my hdb block, according to my mom. he/she set fire to somebody's clothes and some red cloth on thursday. apparently, according to our mom (she said our next door neighbour told her-our neighbour heard it from the policemen), that was not the first time somebody did that. similar incidents happened before. kinda freaky, come to think of it. an arsonist who sets fire to your clothes and all, lurking around your block.

which reminded me of the stupid thief who stole my fake birks from thailand and threw my remaining shoes all around the level. stupid, lah!

the pain inside, you could not feel. the sadness outside, you could not see.

oh, i forgot to mention that i ALMOST lost my handphone on friday night! yes, AGAIN. i went to 7-11 with jessline to get a drink before watching the movie (The Nun), and i left my laptop and handphone at the counter as i was paying for my drink. then i walked off, collecting only my laptop. Jessline and i were happily walking to the lift inside junction8, when i suddenly hear this guy behind me shouting "EXCUSE ME!" i was like shocked, and turned around. that guy looked to be in his 20s, and was wearing formal. he ran up to me, stretched out his hand, and went "Erm, is this yours?" i looked down at his hand and there it was, my precious handphone! he gave it back to me, and i was like thanking him furiously, even after he walked away. i think i thanked him all the way till he disappeared. hahaha. later Jessline told me she saw me putting the handphone at the counter and thought that when i left i would collect it along with my laptop. luckily the customer behind me (yes, that man) saw it and gave it back to me. can you imagine what if he saw it and took it without returning me? i'll be like damn sad.

so, THANK YOU Mr. 20-Odd guy wearing formal clothes who ran all the way from 7-11 to junction8 just to return me my handphone. you have no idea how important it was and how grateful i am! THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! =) *kisses*

and i cant believe how careless and forgetful i am. fancy collecting my laptop and then forgetting my handphone. i think i really need to get a handphone strap soon, dont you think? *hints* haha, bah.

thank you, thank you, for returning me my phone! i owe you one, mr. nice guy! may we meet again so i can repay you back! hahahahaha.

i think tmr's visiting-aunt-mabel day again. so no sentosa trip or pc show i guess.

oh dammit, if you wanna talk about me, there's no need to hide behind me. just talk infront of me. why, are you so scared to say it infront of me, for fear i would slap your superficial face?

geez.

oh BLACK-BLACK-ONE, talking to you suddenly makes me feel like eating brownie. see the link? hahahaha. =X and i still want my stuff from England. com'on no. 10! hahahaha =X

and mongling, where's my ba chang eh?! it's been so long already... hahahaha. =) and i cant resist saying, kiwi, STOP it. dont repeat lyrics from the song over and over again. HEADACHE! haha.

life is blessed when you have friends around. but it's a bitch when you have rotten ones trying to trample over your feelings.

i love the cookie smell on my fingers. and the taste of raisins in my mouth. yummy.

2006-06-03T04:10:00.000+08:00

uh huh, so i have completed and submitted my bmr individual literature review and boe business proposal. but yet, i still feel like crap. i dont know, i think i seriously have to start getting real organised and work ahead of time. and buck up for the next few tests. and stop skipping lectures and tutorials. like seriously. i must be studious from now on. yah.

when i didnt see you, i felt down and out. weird, huh?

well i guess term tests and break are here. lucky me, i dont have tests. but in place of tests are projects and lots of assignments. think i'd better start working on it soon. like maybe tmr. as soon as i know what to do.

weirdly, you seem to have the ability to make my body tense up when i see you. not that i want to.

i just remembered something my cousin (weatherly) said about love: when the time comes for love to find you, it will. if not, no point looking for it, it will always run away from you. (okay, she said something like that. i rephrased it cos i cant really remember.) true enough, if it wasn't meant to be for you, it will always elude you, no matter how hard and fast you try to grab it. no point, eh.

world cup is approaching. im excited. cos it means you get to see alot of handsome guys who can play real soccer. not to mention the display "joga bonito" style of play from some of the world class players in the soccer arena. it's an eye feast.

oh, and i watched "The Nun" just now. sitting next to Jessline is crazy. my left arm and hand almost got ripped off by her, and my boobs almost got flattened by her when she ducked to cover her eyes from the scary scenes, or when she tries to reach across to grab fangyong's arm. the show itself is okay, though the storyline is crap. many details are being overlooked, and everything seemed to be just "touch and go". i could hardly understand the whole story with its poor narration of the story, eh. the effects are quite scary though. makes me afraid of water now, hahaha.

im craving for cheesecakes real badly. and ikea's meatballs and chicken wings too. gosh. cheesecakes, anyone?

Hoobastank-If I Were You is such a nice song. with nice lyrics too.

i'll try to find the sunshine after the rain. but it's so hard, when i all see and feel is the rain and the coldness.

2006-06-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

ohmygod. kuku naden. i have french listening and writing test tmr. and i have not prepared for it. and i have multicam test tmr. and i have not prepared for it too! it seems like it's test day tmr. what the hell. and i still have to rush bmr literature review and boe. and there's still training. ohmygod. this is one of the worst nightmares i can ever have.

please let me sail through french and multicam. im crossing my fingers.

after this week, perhaps i will finally be able to relax a little. without having to worry so much about deadlines.

enough of blogging. i need to get back to revision and work. this sucks.

2006-05-31T00:22:00.000+08:00

you will never understand the emotions im feeling now. the emptiness thats inside me after the painful task of having to accept the fact that you, whom i gave a part of my heart to, had stepped on the friendship we had. there's nothing left of the trust now. you can never imagine how fucked up i feel, how my heart aches. dammit, if only you could just tell me why. why you said all those stuff, what do you want from me.

im so tired. so, so tired. sigh. it sucks having to be so emo now. when i have work to do.

i guess crying doesnt help. so i wont cry.

maybe, just maybe, i'll learn to be cold. learn to be wiser, learn to defend myself. but i guess, that's reality. such things happened. over and over again, it's like a cycle.

thanks kiwi and mongling, for sharing with me stuff, heartaches, agony and all. i had fun today. mongling: ba chang tmr? haha =) and kiwi: no kiwi, dragon or eagle tattoo please. that's stupid lah. haha.

i would give everything, just to turn your head even for that few seconds.
and it would be an icing on the cake, if i could talk to you for that few seconds.

to a certain friend of mine caught in a situation: i guess i kinda understand how you feel now. after all, i was in a similar situation before. it ain't easy to be able to remain sane when she's so close, yet so far away. maybe you just give her some more time? she needs you, in one way or another. dont feel sad, cheer up. it ain't over till it's over.

i, i don't know why i miss you so much
yeah i, i don't know why i still feel your touch
you, you left me feeling high and dry
with nothing, nothing but the question why

yeah you, i guess you had another direction
and leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

if you call me today
i'll say that i'm fine
but i bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
it's just a lie
you knew what you had
you still walked away leaving me in this mess
my love for you is deep and meaningless

you, you knew what you were doing to me
and i, i guess i was too blind to see
well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
but i'd do it again to relive what we had

there are many things left to remind me
Of a love that i just can't leave behind me

stop breathing, plunge into darkness, we're left alone.

2006-05-29T23:23:00.000+08:00

you know, there are some times, i wish i wasn't being ignored. the truth is, i dont like being ignored. maybe im too noisy, maybe my opinions arent what you seek, but still, i wished to be listened to. is it so fcuking hard to even ask for that? you know, i've been your listening ear for so long, maybe it's time for you to be mine too. just this once.

AudioPro test tmr. haven't even figured out what's it about, the format and all. then there's BOE submission on wednesday. and MultiCam skills test on thursday and BMR individual literature review on friday. the bmr is a killer. help, help. having to find 10 references from the library is a real headache.

i dont like you one bit at all. nope, even the sight of you irks me now. the weirdest thing is, i dont hate you for what you have done, im just sad. seeing you reminds me of how many times i've pinned my hopes on you finally stop doing all those nasty stuff to others and giving up on yourself, yet i always end up seeing you let down yourself. right now, i guess i dont even feel like seeing you, neither would i wanna talk to you. maybe we need time to think, whats right and wrong, how we should go on.

damn, andrew tried to shave my leg today while i wasnt looking. wth?! lucky i was quick enough to react. and lim chong guang kept trying to frame me with gym instructors and fantasies. wth. crazy people. ohhhh, and i was introduced to this japanese variety show called "hard gay". damn funny! i was laughing like mad when i was watching it. gosh, it's really sick, but amusing at the same time. (hard gay: "say say say say say!" "fooo-hoooo!") hahahahaha. =)

i would love to see your face again, even if it was just one glimpse.

the headaches are coming back. gosh, it hurts.

i wonder if my life would have changed if i stayed in braddell-westlake secondary.

oh, did i mention a baby lizard fell onto my face yesterday? yes, it did EWWWWW. i opened the toilet door, then i felt something fly onto my face, then the next thing i know, it dropped to the floor, and there i saw, was a baby lizard, totally stunned. it wasn't moving, and i was totally shocked as well. all my goosebumps are coming up lah, just thinking about that scene again. by the way, that baby lizard is still alive and safe at somewhere, i didnt even have a chance to whack it. gosh, YUCK. very suay, sia.

im pretty jealous of some things, and some people. ahh, can't help it. jealous. but i think i'll get over it after awhile.

i think... it's time for a change of my blogskin. again.

2006-05-28T18:48:00.000+08:00

just an update on things.

i finally handed in whatever was due on friday. it was like a relief after friday. but next week brings more submissions. and the cycle goes on. it's a sad poly life. hardly even have time to go out or party now. bah.

fatigue finally took over me on friday night. went to see the doctors, he gave me a 2 day mc.

the centis bbq was nice. just had a small regret. but nevermind, im sure there will be more chances next time. thanks mongling, xue yun and joey. it was really sweet of you guys to accompany me. mongling, nevermind if you pangseh me at east coast. knew you were tired. so rest well lah, yue nan mei. =)

i never knew the pain was so unbearable, until i saw how distant we are. strangers we are, in this pointless game.

the talk with aunt mabel, cousin weatherly and mom at aunt mabel's house was nice. alot of dirty secrets spilled. cousin weatherly is such a tough nut to crack. she's an introvert, completely opposite of me. aunt mabel ask me to spend more time with her, to make her an extrovert. how to? i would love to spend more time with her though, if i have the time.

do you know how disappointing it is to hear from somebody else that someone whom you feel is quite close to you is saying things behind your back? i do. and then i wonder how long i've been deceived by your fake front, all the time believing the words you say.

for the record, listen up, all of you. i dont think im important at all. and i never wanted to be a keeper. i was just trying out, thats all. stop twisting words behind my back. it's shameless.

of stabbers and killers.

oh, advertising for alvin ting. there's a party at MOS on 18th JUNE, ticket price at $18 bucks each. level 1 is for those under 18, and level 2 is those above 18 (which means alcohol). anyone interested? please get back to me ASAP!! do come for this party. =)

eh, ninaohia, lah.

2006-05-20T19:42:00.000+08:00

3 submissions next week. one film theory term paper proposal, one bmr group literature review, and three film theory journals. haha, ohmygod, i can feel the stress.i have not done any single thing yet. absolutely no idea where to start from. gotta do it over the weekend. and i have to work during the weekend too. damn. late nights of research and work, guaranteed.

i am the girl with the tearaway face, here in a flash and gone without a trace.

today i had fcuking bad menstrual cramps and diarrhoea for the whole day. felt so weak, dammit. i was in bed for the whole day, climbing out only when i had to eat. sigh, im going to fall sick again soon. oh well. need to work hard, fight hard. the money and grades wont come to me, i gotta work for it.

just a mini shout-out to alvin ting: hey old man, i dont really know whats going on in your life right now, but you sound like you're going through some tough, rubbish stuff right now, so do take care yeah? im sure it will be over soon, and it will be sunshine after the rain? haha, take care old man, and i'll see you next friday! =)

oh, somewhere in these bones, an emptiness began to grow. there's something out there far from my home, a longing that i've never known.

it's kinda weird, we're drifting apart. it's no longer like how it used to be, im sure. maybe it's a good thing, or maybe it's my loss. i dont know how to react to this, but perhaps it was inevitable. i hope your doing fine. come back from thailand safe and sound. and with my nice bag. take care. =)

my handphone bill is rocket high, again. so people, dont sms me or make me call you. chances are i will hardly reply. call me instead. i have free incoming all day! hahahaha.

i want us to be friends again. like before. dont you? hahaha.

random fact: i realise i can get high on sushi. and ice mocha. and brownies. and most of all, cheesecakes. hahaha.

okay, im gonna stop here. the cramps are killing me again. bed, here i come.

2006-05-16T03:12:00.000+08:00

i ask for not love and relationships, but of simple platonic friendships.

i dont know how to put this across, but some things are kinda bothering me. nowadays, people keep coming up to me, and ask me if im together with certain people, and all that stuff. hello people, im SINGLE. just give me a break. i mean im fine with people asking me outta pure curiousity and all, but after awhile, it just gets irritating.

and no, there's nothing going on. stop asking me. thank you.

im giving myself this week to sort life, and myself out. it's in a shitty mess now. i have no idea what im doing, and where im going. i see myself going nowhere with my current state. so i need to sort myself out. i need to know where im planning to go. i know i have lost alot of precious time, and that im lagging behind the syllabus. guess i will really have to work double hard to catch up.

it's sad to see you go, but i know that it's inevitable, right from the beginning.

if you dont know what's going on, keep your comments to yourself. you dont even know what shit im going through, and there you are, making some useless, sarcastic comments. maybe you can do something more constructive than this.

sometimes we ask, why are all the wrong things happening to us at all the wrong and unhappy times? maybe it's a blessing in disguise, or maybe it's to test how far we would go to overcome it. but im breaking apart.

the entry about p. ubin with some of the centis people on Vesak Day will be up soon. too many photos, think i need to combine them all. and shu ming, im not a gambling ghost (kiao gui). you are the one eh! stop saying me. haha. i kinda love playing monopoly (that board game). just that playing it in the middle of the night, with only one pathetic "chance" card (the rest had gone missing) for the whole game and with the rule that the game will only stop when everyone goes bankrupt (and we have a winner) REALLY KILLS all our energy.

hah, more updates about the whole Vesak Day outing and stayover soon.

oh, and thanks to all those people who tagged on my board after reading. you guys mean alot to me, thanks for showing concern. =) it only goes to show who are the ones who really cared. nonetheless, i love all of you people who reads my blog. i shall catch with all of you guys (who tagged) some time soon. love, =)

2006-05-12T01:51:00.000+08:00

im not sure of what i want anymore. cant seem to make a decision, things make it hard for me to decide.

so i had training today. well, i went late cos i had to go for the thursday french lecture this week, so yeah. honestly, i think i should explain, cos i wouldnt want people to malign me for all the wrong reasons. so as i was saying, i went late today, so i did my rounds around the track alone, and watched the new girls play some floorball before the seniors (us) played too. perhaps i felt detached from the team, i didnt really feel like going for dinner. well yeah, i guess thats the reason why. or maybe its the result of MIA-ing too much. seriously, i dont know.

oh, talking about french lessons, the language itself is so hard to master, yet so fun. i wonder how french lessons can turn into a World Cup betting session. haha.i think my tutor's damn funny. the way he acts like a kid even though he's almost 40 going 50 i think? hahaha. World Cup is coming soon. the soccer-watching marathon is going to start soon, it will be late nights, together with my mom and JZ (he should be back by then), infront of the tv with our pillows and bolsters. hahahaha. =)

oh, dont read my blog if you find it unpleasant to read. dont even pretend to be friends with me when your stabbing me. im not as naive as you may think i am. i know what the fuck is going on. so just cut the crap, and stop that pretence.

who says only government have politics? politics are everywhere, in CCAs, family, friends, and all that you can think of.

guess this is an angry entry eh. oh well, part and parcel of life. bah.

tom cruise is really old. think his wrinkles are showing, yet he still looks kinda hot and even manages to hook up with a lady almost twice younger than his age? Hollywood, hah.

i've really changed. for better or for worst.

i wonder if anyone would honestly care if i disappeared without a trace or died without telling anyone. like really, would you all care? haha. =/

i shall rekindle the flame that is in the unreachable heart, so i wont end up losing the broken soul, and this body wont end up torn apart.

2006-05-10T02:27:00.000+08:00

school is a disaster currently. i've missed too many lectures and tutorials. need to catch up badly, or i'll lose out big time. deadlines are coming up already. gotta work hard. i need my As.

i know that when you read this, you would know what and who im talking about. i dont like to hear apologies from you. as i've said before, the word "sorry" loses its meaning, value and importance if you said it too many times. so use that word wisely. dont apologise if you dont know what you did wrong, or if you dont even know if you did wrong. it's just pointless. oh, by the way, you did piss me off before. just not now. so im fine.

im having weird mood swings nowadays. nah, i dont think it has anything to do with the monthly things when mine isn't here yet. the swings are just really affecting me BIG time, its like an emotional rollercoaster. bah, rubbish stuff.

the day starts at 11am later. hopefully lunch with lex and a few others. then tutorials, and work at 7. if i can find another job (not in the f&b industry this time round), i'll quit my job at clark quay instantly. really.

things have gone too wild. perhaps now it's time to pull back.

oh, JZ, shades?! i certainly dont mind having them, but perhaps erm say, shoes or something too? haha. just get me something that Singapore doesn't have! ohhhhh..food would be good too (provided it wont rot by the time you come back) hahahaha. haha i know! get me one item from each of the countries you visit in Europe! yes!! haha. =S

"yue nan mei" (mongling) and me. took this at the esplanade after the centis outing at supposedly, marche. i adore her to bits. she's funny and blur, but also the one who most probably understands my current relationship/friendship woes the best. thanks again, babe, for listening. =)

hmm, something random: ya know, it really isn't bad or weird for girls to be bisexual eh. ( i think im bisexual, by the way.) on the contrary, it would be weird for guys to be bisexual. i guess it's a social norm in Singapore that for guys to love both women and men is disgusting. isn't it just so bizarre how most youths can accept lesbians but not gays? like how people usually dont care if two girls are holding hands or hugging each other in public but instead if it were two guys doing this they will be like staring their eyes out at the couple? it's just so weird how unfairly gays are being treated as compared to lesbians though both are homosexuals.

haha, i wonder how is my Honda Odessey guy doing eh? (those who went to Gotham should probably know). he still pops up in my mind on rare occasions. haha, random stuff again.

i always wish that i could just lay on a huge stone bed and look up at the star-filled sky with my mr. right and gradually fall asleep with him next to me, all the while holding hands and just enjoying the quietness and beauty of the night.

dreams, eh? haha.

2006-05-09T03:31:00.000+08:00

mondays are so retarded. i have a 5 hour break from 12 to 5. then audio production lecture from 5 to 6. gosh. and the worst thing is, the lecturer talks for at most half an hour for the whole audiopro lecture. this is probably the only lecture that i wish the lecturer would talk more, so at least i didnt know i wasted my 5 hours for nothing. oh bummer.

i wonder how our definition of friends differ. sometimes, i wished i hadn't known you.

work this tuesday, wednesday, saturday and sunday. training on thursday and saturday. which means im only left with friday free. and i might even have to work at some other place (kallang) on friday, or perhaps mahjong at eddie's place. we shall see.

oh, i came back not long ago from settlers and supper at upper thomson. sitting in a car with tat ming, jodin, alan and calvin is really some weird form of torture for me. there are times i feel like laughing my head off at their comical acts, but sometimes i just feel like strangling their heads off. chilling with them at settlers was pretty fun too (first time there), i learnt some pretty intriguing games. then it was the drive from katong to upper thomson for supper with eddie and gang. was kinda restless cos i was really tired, and being stuck in the car for half an hour and us getting lost in upper thomson and just driving aimlessly didnt really help to lift up my spirits either. but oh well. it was a rather fun night i guess. thanks guys. =)

due to some unforseen happenings, i might have to go MIA for certain events and days again.

did i mention, i HATE work?! if it weren't for the cash, i would have probably just be a couch potato everyday. bah, humbug.

sleep now. gotta wake up at 6 plus.

2006-05-04T01:42:00.000+08:00

it's not ever enough. and i hate guys who uses girls. period.

work is tiring, and school is alright. nothing much to say actually, because i cant think straight now. 9am to 9pm timetable later. tutorials and training. oh man.

if you ask me, no, i dont want to be treated like that. nobody likes being second. dont treat me like the same as you treat every other person. you know im different from the rest.

marche on friday with centis, and possibly tanning on saturday with my darlings. perhaps i'll go church on sunday. this time i ought to go, really. if i dont try to find my faith this time round, then when?

the new managers and part-timers are really slow. i feel like killing them. the part-timers (they were the runners and bartenders for the day) got me into hot soup so many times. i got scolded repeatedly by customers because the food was slow (not my fault!) and also got scolded because the drinks weren't served (not my fault again!). and so many malay customers spoke to me in malay. do i look like a malay? haha. even though i told them im a chinese and cant speak malay for nuts, they still insisted on talking to me in malay.until i got fed up and told the caucasian guy present to kindly inform his partner that im a freaking CHINESE who dont know how to speak and listen malay. haha, oh well.

i miss my centis gls. i know i still see some of them during outings, but there are those who dont turn up during the outings and all. i miss especially my cenbu gls lah, people like genyan, derry, sharifah, frances and all. bah.

just a not-so-small reminder to JZ who's in Italy: please remember to buy me lots and lots and lots of stuff back! it's May already! June is just one month away! you can also buy me my early birthday present though it's still quite some time away, in September! and erm, your room is still relatively clean and tidy. haha. with love from your not-so-fat sister! haha =)

tutorial at 9 later. damn damn damn damn damn.

all temptations are found in either hope or fear, but i found it in you.

2006-04-30T17:57:00.000+08:00

oh well, finally i have my laptop back. something was faulty in my laptop, got it fixed and now i have my laptop back with me! haha. yay!

firstly, apologies to my dear peeps in floorball and council eh! sorry im like MIA for so many trainings and meetings! but this time, im back, and i wont go MIA yea? haha =)

just a mini shout-out to Mong Ling, Lex and Elvi.::

Elvi. hey babe, it's been quite long since i've played floorball with you babes, and now that im back, lets enjoy the fun. like what janice said, the girls should put all past unhappiness behind and start anew, so we shan't go care about sarcastic or useless remarks yeah? lets just play floorball and enjoy it. i miss all of you people's company, im just happy we can all play together again. i love you too babe. *hugs*

Lex.our "ting-mei". hey, haven't been able to talk to you for quite some time already. but i've heard and read from your blog about what's happening, and all i can say is take care dude. i know it won't be easy for you to let go, but at least you have tried. whatever it is, i'll be behind you all the way yeah? oh, and i understand most of the talking codes already, haha! love ya dude. =)

Mong ling.my Vietnamese hot babe! (Yue Nan Mei). haha babe i just love you eh! thanks alot for listening to me rant about him, how i dislike some of his behaviour, etc. etc. guess the two of us are kinda like in the same boat, huh? dont worry, im sure one day he will know *smiles* it's a puzzling wonder how the two of us develop from mere acquaintances to such good friends now. i just love talking to you on the phone too eh. dont worry, any updates about (your) him i'll tell you straight away! like i said, i love ya babe, and i hope our friendship can go long, as we go down our life journey. thanks for standing by my side as i drool over him, and for waiting for me (along with the rest of the gang) even though i was awefully late because of the long queue at the polyclinic. i just adore you. *cuddles*

you never know the tinkling effect you have on me. the sight of you just sets me off into wonderland.

erm. more later. i need to go to work now.

the light that shines on me from the stars above. i adore you.

2006-04-20T18:45:00.000+08:00

saw this line on some random person's blog, love it. I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the first and last.

i told and promise myself, i won't land myself in the same shit i did during my secondary school years, and yet i did again when i saw you. a year has passed, and when darling gwen mentioned your name, those long-forgotten feelings found its way back again. you're the he i will never forget, likewise the he i will never grasp. what someone said to me was right, "loving/liking someone or something doesn't mean you have to have it." im just contented being your friend.

and i know that when the right one comes along, i will be his, and he will be mine. it's just a question of, is mr. right's first name Always? haha.

im missing all of my FOW/FOC peeps already. so, so much. i hope we'll always remember each other, no matter what. and auntie jan, nope im not one of those camp freaks okay! so dont be scared of me. haha.

the sight of you sets me off tinkling, i just love seeing you.

and i'll miss you.

2006-04-18T02:06:00.000+08:00

after two days of constant sleeping, i finally had enough rest to blog about the last 6 days. gosh, what an awesome 6 days it has been for me. FOW/FOC '06. given a chance, i would love to go thru the 6 days all over again.

FOW:

i wasn't sure of what to expect from the freshies, and from the GLs as well. because in Cenbu, most of the GLs are those i haven't work closely before and are not closed to and all. but hey, we gel pretty well and worked out quite fine. the freshies were really hyped up too, except for the rare few who refused to join in too. oh well.

haha had some really interesting freshies in my group. Joey, one of the freshies i really like. he wasn't really into the whole workshop thing in the first place. i kinda had to force him to help me take the lead, and my, did he turn out to be a fine leader indeed. =) and Gagan, one of the best I.S you can find in this whole FOW! it's really surprising he's only 17, cos of his sturdy and mature outlook. but he really touched me when he told me that through this workshop, he found a close new friend in me. =) he's the best freshie for Centis as well. *smiles* oh, and Koburn too. haha, they're all my man. *grins.*

the GLs went for supper for both nights of the FOW, for prata and teh-ice. it was really nice to eat supper with them, and just talk crap. oh, and i rolled down the steepest slope in TP (the V-slope/road that connects design and business school) with Eng Xuan (gucci) too. haha, dont ask me why i did that, i dont even know myself. i guess maybe it because it was her birthday that day and she wanted to do something crazy, so i thought that i should do it with her since both of us are always so crazy together.

and on the first night, i was introduced to the most violent game in TP, Handiplast. Eng Xuan and i were so unlucky. she didnt want to play at first, but i couldn't sleep so i just kinda dragged her along and into the game since Eddie asked me to join them. the both of us were the last to join them, but we ended up with the most serious injuries to the thighs. so suay lah me, i had to sit in between Tat Ming and Eddie and then Jodin and Tat Ming again during the game. the trio proved to be the most fearsome and deadlist combo in Handiplast man. under the hands of Tat Ming, Jodin and Eddie, my thighs became red,swollen and bruised. Eng Xuan suffered too. oh well.

FOC:

the freshies were really really so high! some of my seniors told me that the freshies from FOC are usually more high than those in FOW. well, i guess it's pretty evident how true is that. Cenbu GLs and freshies were really high for FOC. i was really high too, haha. i guess the adrenaline and everything just kinda overtook my body, and threw my sickness and tiredness away. for my readers' information, i was having diarrhoea and was seriously losing my voice for 6 days. seeing my freshies high and enjoying the camp made me felt high and i enjoyed the camp too. but one thing for sure, i really hate taking attendance. bah. haha. Cenbu GLs bonded quite well too, just that the casualty rate for Cenbu, GLs and freshies included, was really high. geez.

we didnt get to play Handiplast during the FOC nights, but i had overnight talks with Derry, Jodin, Eddie and a few others. the talk with Derry helped me solve some problems that were really disturbing me throughout the FOC, and im so glad that he was there to help me out with everything. thanks. =)

the last day of FOC was really emotional for the GLs and Main Comm, Sub Comms, etc. etc. we had some of the seniors graduating. people like Shahfari, Alvin Ting, Han, Flannery, etc. etc. graduating and Ivan Lim, Guan, etc. etc. having to leave the school. some of these people are really close to me in one way or another, and i was really sad that they had to leave for certain reasons. i will miss suan-ing Shahfari, whacking Ivan Lim, playing with Flannery, talking with Guan, etc. etc. sigh. all of them contributed a part to this FOC which made it so memorable for me.

of all, i have known Guan the longest. it really pains me to have to see him leave the school. Guan, whether you read this or not, i just wanted to tell you that hey, i have known you for so long, thanks for all the times you have listened to me talk about how much i dislike working with sam in beacon, took care of me in beacon in some ways or another, listen to my cold jokes, laugh at my obsessions with 33, etc. etc. i'll really miss you, dude.

Han, sometimes, you really just amaze me. i didnt know you have the habit of biting people until i got bitten by you. haha, it caught me by surprise. but oh well, i bit you back i think. haha. i always tease you about your height, but i never told you that i felt that despite your height, you have outdone many others in terms of courage and all. there are some things that even tall men cant do that you have achieved. and i admire you for that. sleeping next to you during the last night of FOC was really funny, and i wont forget how you patted my head to ask me to go and sleep, even though i dont really understand why you did that. haha. i hope that you'll have a fruitful life ahead of you, and that you will not forget those who are still in TP. i'll miss you too, dude.

last but not least, Alvin Ting. im not really very close to him and all, but i just wanted to thank him for his guidance to Centis in many ways. thanks Alvin, for being so patient with us, and never giving up on us. you've made an impact in my life, though you might not be even aware of it. you showed me in many ways what one must act in order to be respected, and i wanted to thank you for the chance you have given me to lead in one way or another. from OTC to FOW to FOC, you are always there to stand behind Centis, and i think we are really fortunate to have you as our FA. i'll always remember your words: "a good leader is also a good follower". thanks alot. =) by the way, i think you really look like jimmy neutron. and your impersonation of boo-master was damn hilarious as well. haha. *grins*

i guess that sums it all up. it might not be easy for those who have not been to OTC and FOW/FOC'06 to understand how a GL would feel after these 6 days. the freshies might not understand why the GLs and those graduating people cried during that last day of FOC, but i guess they will understand one day, should they continue to follow the GL footsteps. the bonds that were formed between the Centis people, all the 5 empires, the freshies and the GLs, the whole FOW/FOC was really so overwhelming, and im really glad i participated and contributed to this whole camp. sigh, how i'll miss my Centis people and the FOW/FOC people. it won't ever be the same again.

2006-04-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

hoho, approximately 8 more hours or so till FOW/FOC officially starts. haha i'm so looking forward to it, but at the same time dreading it cos' til this very moment, i have not packed my bag yet AND most importantly, im still sick. fever's gone, but flu and cough still pulling me down. bahh.

so, i probably won't be blogging for almost a week due to the camp, unless im free of course and my laptop is available. don't miss me, my friends. haha. oh yah, auntie jan, KFC sometime soon? the craving is here again. haha.

so is the craving of cartel's cheesecakes, pizza hut's pizzas, ayam's brand tuan, etc. etc. hahaha. im a big eater, hence the size eh. haha. oh well. i love eating. haha. random stuff.

oh well, i'd better be off packing my stuff now. bah.

shut up, or i'll lodge a bullet into your brain.

na na na na na na na, free loop.

oh, and doug, pool won again! haha =P

2006-04-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

hips don't lie.

2006-04-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

i just got back from work. and damn, the fever is back too. shit-ti-fied. i thought my fever had subsided, but now it's back. 38.2 degrees. what the hell. i want to be in pink health. not this. i feel like slapping myself lah. against my mother's advice, i decided to take a risk and go work today. in the end, my body decided to go on a strike. yea, i almost faint during work. no joke. nobody knew, i was in the toilet. can you imagine what would happen if i did faint? gosh, my head will probably land in the toilet bowl. yuck.

i must say this, but one of my managers is seriously like FUCK. i told him i wish to knock off earlier cos' i wasn't feeling well already, he told me to endure and work finish my whole shift, and told me that the rest of the employees are tired too, and he himself is sick too. WHAT THE HELL. the part about the rest being tired, i understand (this i can't complain). but he?! sick?! absolute rubbish. he smokes like nobody's business, goes clubbing, keeps ordering us to do work, and he tells me he is sick? maybe, but honestly i was on the brink of collapsing, he should let me go home, not ask me to not say that im tired and sick and endure! gosh. i felt like strangling him. gosh.

the headache is back. shits. cant blog anymore. pain. i wonder if i can recover back in time for FOW/FOC.

2006-04-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

im lazy and still rather sick to talk much about the day itself, but i just wanted to comment on how it sucks not being able to eat KFC while your teammates are all enjoying it. they're all eating KFC while im stuck with my Hor Fun. i want my cheese fries and bandito pocket lah. if i wasn't sick, i'll be enjoying it too.

i wanna complain. wahlao of all days, they have to choose today, especially when im sick, to eat KFC. wah!!! and that auntie janice still come and tempt me. wahhh...nevermind. when i recover, we must go there again! =S

and ron, ron, ron [sorry, i cant do the whiny voice. lol.].. WATCH OUT, my man. hahaha. you're next. [i think you get what i mean. haha.]

i have a craving for popiah and sushi now. oh, and talking about Brokeback, i wanna catch that show. anyone has the Brokeback dvd to lend me? =)

haha gwen, now you know why i never agreed to let pong come join us on monday, and why i felt so strongly that we must ditch him on our way back. but still, a nice Bak Kut Teh breakfast, aint it? haha. now that song cant get outta my head. haha ohmygod.

2006-04-05T17:52:00.000+08:00

im sick. like really sick now. fever, sore throat, flu. urggghhh. the fever is really shitty. 38.5 degrees. bahhhhh. i can't talk, and have to breathe through my mouth cos' my nose is blocked. rahhhhh. am having splitting headache now.. gagagagahh. i can't even think straight now. need medicine, and tons of tissue. ahhhhhh.

have to get back my health by Sunday. sigh.

i feel terrible. sickly.

2006-04-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

what the hell do you do when things turn nasty on you? screw yourself.

im feeling bloody sick now, i can hardly even talk now. the fever is coming. some shit has been irritating me the whole day, and please people, stop asking me about the damn article. i've done it, and sent it to mr. selvan. the photos, i'll get it tmr cos the person told me she could only give it to me tmr. okay? give me a break.

sorry chan that i kinda blew it up on you. i just couldnt take it when you mention that article again. and Geisha? tell me what the hell am i going to do about this. i know nothing about what's going on. sorry babe about just now. bah.

yes, i need a break. this time, maybe i can't go overseas, but i wish to be left alone.

and yea, im in a very bad condition now. i just dug my own grave unknowingly. but what the hell am i supposed to do then?! gosh, enlighten me if you're the guru.

if not, stay away. i dont need unnecessary pressure. thanks.

2006-04-02T02:08:00.000+08:00

i just came back from work, feeling darn tired right now. work and ALP this morning-afternoon killed me.ohmygod. im like sunburnt now, and my eyes are threatening to close any moment now. my very funny colleague asked this: "eh, why is your face so red? did you drink before you come or something? you okay or not?" haha. blame it on the sun. and ALP was well...okay i guess.

i only slept for like 6hours for these two nights. oh, and i got to wake up later again and have to reach school by 8am to cover the story for the school's papers. for now, i hate my schedule. i dont seem to get to rest!

but oh, on a happier note, im skipping work later to catch the league matches in TSH. haha there are just SOME people i wanna see and catch them in action. for once i might get to enjoy myself eh.

oh, and now i know which Centis sub-empire i am in. erm it's called Cenbu. erm apparently it's Cen(tis)-girl in hokkien. yea something like that. i hope FOW/FOC will be awesome. dang, i didn't get to see ma' eye candy today(yesterday). i didnt even step close to sports complex to see if he had training today(yesterday). bummer.

and i realised that quite a number of people do read my blog but don't tag. so people, tag my blog for goodness sake! let me know that at least you know whats going on in ma' life! haha. =)

why is it that the one whom i wished would talk to me doesnt, but the one whom i wished would just shut up just wouldnt stop talking to me at all? geez dude, TALK TO ME.

i just remembered. never play mahjong with max. you'll just die laughing if you play with him. i was just so amused when he draws a tile and starts talking to himself and laugh at his own tiles. that's like so weird and erm freaky. haha and max, where's the click five cd? give it! haha.

oh great. after reading somebody's blog, i feel like erm shit now. this is just great. damn, im so gonna be an emo bitch now. aww this is just so fcuking great. i feel so jealous and sympathetic at the same time. ohmygod. bah. but im cool. yes, im cool with it. (okay, not.) think i'll just get over it after awhile. bah.

and i forsee myself quitting something after the next week. the workload im getting from school, work, family/relationships are just killing me now. jam-packed and tiring.

oh, and if i dont see the need to respond, people, i wont. im not obliged to do anything that i dont wish to do. YOU cant force me.

i just wanna live my life the way i want. and i dont think you can stop me from doing just that. the way i want, they way i chose. MY WAY, not yours.

im just stating my stand. but, i have nothing against anybody.

i hope to see my small "miracle" today. im damn sure i will. im crossing my fingers. haha, yay.

what is faith? it's nothing, but just acceptance of that which we imagine to be true, that which we cannot prove.

2006-04-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

Happy April Fool's Day! haha. i just got back from work. and gosh, im really tired. and i have ALP (Adventure Learning Programme) later on from 8am onwards. and after that, work till 11pm. SAVE ME. sigh.

oh, i saw him again on wednesday night. as i was on my way home from mart's house. seeing him just sets off that lil' tinkling feeling in me. he's like my small "miracle". seeing him makes me kinda happy, as if i won some small prize. haha. nah, don't think it's "love at first sight" or whatsoever. but still, i wish i can get to know him. though he only appears on rare occasions. haha.

on sunday, i have some sports event (Rockamania) to attend to. im going to write an article about it, so i have to go down to interview the people. at 8am AGAIN. sigh. hopefully i'll be able to finish rushing the article by Sunday evening itself, since Mr. Selvan wants it by evening. BAH. but im gonna go watch the league matches too. it's the quarter finals or something. awesome stuff. some of the floorballers are just like wow. =)

and all thanks to martin, im kinda hooked on pictionary now. haha. funny and nice game, if you play with your friends. haha.

honestly, i reckon i don't go well with guys who are hot-tempered. i mean im one hot-tempered person myself, and if i am together with another hot-tempered guy, can you imagine what will happen if we can into an argument? it'll be like a private World War II between the both of us! definitely chaotic and disastrous. haha. and no, im not like the typical kind of girl who are all gentle, shy and soft spoken. and for the record, im not-very-shy, violent (yeah, i do whack people) and definitely loud (almost all my friends can testify that). and i laugh like out loud too, no giggles for me ( i'll have hiccups after that. weird ). haha.

i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that dont bother me. i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out, im not afraid to cry every once in a while.

i want today (saturday) to be over QUICKLY. dreadful day.

2006-03-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

first of all, i just wanted to apologise to all those who were with me at dinner just now. i decided to head home basically because i just kinda lost my appetite and i was feeling moody. i guess you all would have guess what it was that made me moody, but honestly it ain't anyone's fault. after much thought i realized that it was really just stupid if i got angry over such trivial matters, it ain't worth it. i guess today was just some kind of trigger point, and i really had no mood to eat or stay there anymore. after much thought, i don't think it's anyone's fault, it's just a case of miscommunication. so im not upset at anyone, really. i guess i was just too moody these few days.

so a big sorry to those who were there just now, people like martin, pei li, charmaine, shumin, karmen, jian wei. thanks for accomodating with my stubborness and my fcuked-up attitude (yes, i realized it's damn attitude of me). but i hope you guys enjoyed the dinner anyway =)

after a long struggle, i finally lost it. i've lost that feeling forever. and losing that feeling felt like as though a part of me was taken away too. and now, i can never be complete.

i need to find solace in HIM soon. or somebody. gosh. or i'll really lose myself. church this sunday, anyone?

i turned around and all i saw, was an empty street.

2006-03-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

haha, and so, i decided to change my blog layout once again. to something more retro, a layout which i really like. nice, ain't it? sweet.

it's really strange how this particular person has been bugging my mind these few days. i don't even know him at all, all i know is his name. nah, i don't think it's love or infatuation (or so i hope). he just appears when i least expected him to, and when i expect him to appear he doesn't, how weird is that. haha. i hope to see him soon again. =)

oh, happy 18th birthday shumz!! love ya babe!! haha hope you will enjoy this day! =) see ya later ok? i promise i will sing you your birthday song later when i see you! haha =)

working at rennthai proves to be more than just work, as i found out. not that i want such things to happen, of course, but i guess it just comes naturally (but i don't know why). but i guess that really, i'll just focus on working and earning moo-lah.

ohhh...liverpool's on fire these days, scoring so many goals. hope it continues. alonso simply rules, too. haha =)

i saw this somebody (my friend) the other day, and i was so shocked. he has become so handsome now, so stunning-looking. for a moment, i was totally mesmerized by his looks. yes, he looked so darn handsome. but after awhile, i came back to reality, i mean, this was the guy who used to terrorize me so much, that i felt like strangling him to death so so much (but i love him as a friend still, he's funny. =) ) ! haha. but i've not met him since ages ago, so it felt good to see him again. take care, my friend.

did i tell you guys that i totally adore cheesecakes? man, i can just eat these desserts everyday!! oh man, they're so nice. so cheesy, so full of flavour, so good. haha, i know i sound crazy but really, cheesecakes taste so good. i know they're like damn fattening and all, and it's like sinful indulgence, but i can't help it!!! once i see cheesecakes i just go weak. man, i crave for a cheesecake now. but as much as i love cheesecakes, i really hate cheese. weird huh? haha i just can't stand the stench of blue cheese. ohmygod, i'll just faint if you ask me to eat blue cheese without anything else to bring it down. yikes.

haha, yes, random.

i don't know why, but these few days something's really bothering me. something about finding your faith. where it belongs, and to whom. i think i really ought to find my faith yeah. maybe it's just me, but i can feel HIM calling to me, asking me to find my faith. no, not as in those calling as in saying "Hey you, come here!" calling as in, i can feel his faint presence in the weirdest moments, and when im all alone and totally helpless. i do not question his existence and all, but i wonder if HE is the one i believe in. i think i really need to find that answer soon. i really must do.

ALP, FOC/FOW is really demanding alot of time. one week, to be precise. gotta really plan my schedule well, better not let it clash with work, or i'll really die cos' Sasi and Sam will really kill me if i skip work. =X

haha martin has been providing me with a steady flow of comic relief, mainly from MadTV. it's damn funny i tell you, especially the Terminator Parody. i don't think it has the intention of making fun of the religion portrayed, but it's really funny. haha go watch it people. =)

i want to be everything that you need, everything that you want. just that, i don't know who is the YOU.

2006-03-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

haha thought i should upload the pictures of some of my colleagues from my workplace in clark quay. here they are:

first up, we have our dear senile no.2 Abdul. this old uncle is one funny crazy man. always cracks some of the lamest jokes but he's always there to help me out when i need help. haha. =)

next, we have the senile no. 1 on the left (Sasi) and Wacharapong on the right (yes, he's a thai.) Sasi's damn funny as well, but he always tag team with Abdul to tease and bully me. but it's always damn funny with them around. Sasi always tries to trip me, but im alert enough to see it always. Wacharapong, well, i got to know him for a few days only and he's nice as well. haha he always ask me if im pissed with him (i wonder why) and he helps me out too. nice person.

and then, my dear gwen.this girl, she always seem to work in the kitchen as a runner or bartender, while im always outside doing service. bet it's an attempt to separate the both of us to prevent us from talking. haha. she always feed me insider's info about our colleagues, like how old is Wacharapong (who by the way is 21 and single, haha.), where Wayan is from (another of my colleague, he's damn quiet =X ), etc. etc. She always saves food for me too. haha. love her. =)

and of course, you have me. haha. talkative and blur, always the subject of teasing and all. loves to gossip with gwen about the people in my workplace, etc. etc. the picture was taken when i tried to make my face look slimmer. haha. =X

there are some more people which i have not taken a photo of, people like Crystal, Shi yun, Wayan, Heydel, Ketut, Russell, Bing Guang, Sam, the lady working in the kitchen, etc. etc. haha will upload them as soon as i take a picture of them in action. haha.

today (Sat), it's training and work for me again. oh im gonna go watch the league matches as well. between Innebandy and Nhac Trec. the clash of the toughest in the league. think it's gonna be exciting. haha. oh, and i think i should be able to pass the refereeing test. jill quek was my examiner, and surprisingly she's quite friendly and lenient eh? i thought she would be damn strict and cold. im falling in "love" with her. she's a nice person, not proud but humble, despite the fact that she is no.4 in the whole world for floorball and national soccer player. Wow. one amazing lady. haha. =)

oh well, one busy week. the next week will be so busy for me as well. busy busy busy.

i wish i can find my dreams and faith. where it lies, i dont know. the dreams i used to have gave up on me, the faith that i felt seems to let me go. im on a journey to finding it, but i need some signs and directions.

if you had only one chance to tell me something, what would it be?

2006-03-24T00:13:00.000+08:00

oh bummer. i feel so lousy today. my training session as a goalkeeper just left me so fed up, disappointed and bruised. today, i couldn't even save the shots properly, and letting so many goals in (those which could have been easily saved). yeah i wasn't used to the knee pads and the sliding feeling, so i really struggled. argh. sigh. im giving myself 3 more sessions to improve, and if i don't, i might have to reconsider my choices.

i dont know, i dont like to give up that easily, but im struggling already. bah. and im already getting injured as a first time goalkeeper and also during the later part of the game as a field player. haha, i know it's not anyone's fault (it was an accident cheryl and karmen so no worries my babes =) ), but wow, it really hurts. now i have a bandage on my right middle finger. so eye-catching. haha. what happened? i got whacked on the finger by a blade, in the middle of a confusion to try to get the ball (a keeper and player competition). and my knees? ohmygod, they're so skinned now. it's not seasoned yet. i just feel like my knees are going to give way any moment now. and nothing can brush against my knee. cos' if anything touches it, the pain is like "oh my fucking hell pain!" it's like those i-feel-like-banging-against-a-wall-to-numb-the-pain kinda feeling. -ouch-

and im totally exhausted now. and i have work tmr. -groans- there are alot of things on my mind now. so many things to do, so lil' time. oh man. i really need to prioritize my time and all. which means giving up some things. i'll be giving the notices soon. sigh.

eh...i feel so...argh now.

and, im not looking forward to saturday. i miss the feeling of being happy when i train. it just seems like i lost the feeling somehow.weird.

i need rest.

2006-03-21T15:10:00.000+08:00

oh damn. my refereeing practical test is tomorrow. shits. i haven't even practice at all yet! nonononono...panic. oh man. heard our examiner is jill quek. scary. im like panicking now. it's like we weren't even given any time to practice and try out and we have to jump straight to the practical test. playing floorball and refereeing are two very different things. i hope i do a good job tomorrow. good enough to impress the examiner and give me good grades to allow me to pass. =S

sorry guys if i haven't been able to update much. im working nowadays, at clark quay. this thai restaurant called rennthai, just two doors away from the "famous" hooters and rather near Gotham as well. honestly i really really wanna quit working in the F&B industry, but it seems like no matter how hard i try to run away from it, only F&B jobs are available for me. or maybe it's because i never did look at other places. oh well. but the people i work with are damn funny and all. makes my work more happier. will try to take some pictures of them and upload it on my blog.

my knee injury is getting better, i think. but it still hurts like badly if i brush something against it and occasionally it will still bleed for some reasons.

sigh..panicking damn badly now. i want to pass that freaking test!!!! ah!!! i dont wanna fail and waste 30 bucks eh...hard earned money. haha. oh well. gonna go do some stuff first then head to work. ta-ta.

2006-03-18T03:26:00.000+08:00

okay i must say something this before i sleep. this is so bloody hilarious and irritating at the same time. my birks just got stolen!!!!! by some weirdo.

i left it outside my house and now the brown one (the one i really like but its the one that gave me the injury) is gone! and the red one got flung on the stairway leading to the 27th floor! lucky the birks are the fake ones if not i will cry until my eyes become goldfish! haha.

i didnt know it got stolen, until my dad came home at bout 3.15am and ask me if the red birks were mine. i was like "yah, why?" then he told me he found one shoe on the floor and the other side on the stairway. like WTH. haha. then he followed me to other levels to try to find my birks. couldnt find it in the end. turns out not only my birks got flung around. some lady's shoes and slippers got flung around and also left on the stairway too. weird idiot who decided to steal my fav. "100% authentic original fake" birkenstock shoe.

dad came up with a possible case scenario in which explains why my birks got stolen. maybe the person (most possibly a lady and who can fit into my shoe size 37) saw my birks, and her shoe (some lady shoes) was so ugly and when she saw my pretty, nice birks she decided to steal it, not knowing that it's a fake. OR maybe, her shoe was going to spoil, so she decided to "swap" with me. how "nice" of the person to not put back those shoes he/she tried on and couldnt fit into. at least if you wanna steal also must have the decency to not mess up the whole place. -_-

haha it's like so coincidental. there i was, complaining a few hours ago how the birks were giving me trouble and skinning my toes, and a few hours later, the birks got stolen!! hahahaha. how freaky.

this whole episode is just so stupid but funny yet irritating. haha. now im on a manhunt to track down the culprit. lay a bait and wait! haha. =P

2006-03-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

BIG WARNING: this post is going to contain some gruesome pictures, which unfortunately, happened to me. so readers who just ate or are weak-hearted please do not read it. come back when you're happier or hungry. haha.

two lessons i have learnt from thursday and today (friday):

lesson number 1- Always wear knee pads if you're playing as a goalkeeper.

Look what happens when you try to act "garang" and try to be superwoman to go on field and be a goalie without knee pads. you skin you knee. like in the following pictures.

the second picture is the closed up view of my injured left knee. yes, with all the blood, skin, and gruesome stuff. damn. one painful lesson. i cant even wear jeans now. the slightest brush and it will hurt like hell, almost crippling my knee. even standing up straight hurts a bit. hell.

lesson number 2- Never ever run after something/somebody when your wearing the fake birks you bought from thailand.

the picture shows how the space between my big toe and second toe got skinned as well. and damn, the LEFT foot as well. honestly, how unlucky can i get? bah. it feels damn sore now, and i can't really wear anymore fake birks for the moment and even wearing shoes and running hurts for some weird reason too. and the right toe is slightly skinned at the same area too. how did it get skinned? because kuku me decided to do a 20 metre sprint for the train that was coming. and in the end, i missed it somemore. had to wait for 6 long minutes. wah lao, can you imagine how dumb i felt? skinning my toes for nothing. =(

aftermath: Now, i only hope that my left knee and left and right toe injuries can get well soon. haha, oh well, lesson learnt. haha.

Oh yah, and i just wanted to say this: FABIUS OO WEI QUAN!!! WTH are you when i need you now lah?! you just made my day feel worse man. =( and now i dread training on saturday. nothing to look forward to anymore. cos' i have no helmet= no trying out of goalkeeping. sigh. and the missing whereabouts of faridah's helmet, though it's 90% confirmed with the name i just mentioned above. boo-hoo. =(

TO SOMEONE:

you really dont know the pain and sorrow that i feel. stop trying to pretend that you do.

you added salt on the deepest wound you known that was inflicted on me, the wound i tried so desperately to hide. and yes, it hurt so badly. burning.

i refuse to allow myself to get treated with contempt ever again. stop mocking at those around you again. cos' the next thing you know, you might end up in a more miserable state than those you have pour scorn on.

i've said my piece, now it's your choice.

oh, before i end, i hope that i get to see ma' eye candies tmr (today)! haha =) [peili if i see them i'll tell you immediately!]

2006-03-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

just came back from training and dinner. gosh, training was so tiring. i haven't ran in the longest time or practice my shots and all since IVP, and today was our first training and yea, as usual i suck. miss most of my shots, and my passing went totally wrong! haha yes, time to practice at home and buck up/pull up my socks.

oh, just to inform those who might not have known by now, im going to train to become the next goalkeeper! haha. well actually im not really sure if i wanna stay as a field player or become a goalkeeper, and after a discussion with coach, we've decided that i should train to be both keeper and field player at the same time for now. after the freshmen come in, then we shall decide. gosh, it's really a struggle for me, cos' i really wanna play both positions. but i can't have the best of both worlds, so i have to choose one. struggle to come to a decision. =(

oh yeah haha, doug and cheryl, i fell into you guys' trap! gosh i sure felt terrible when i thought doug was angry at me for supposedly "laughing" at him for that goal. see lah, no more "zao sia" ok girls (which includes me). haha. but yea, no hard feelings. oh and, i dont owe anyone lunch! cos' pool won! haha *hints*

sigh, if everyone gives up once things go wrong, how on earth are we going to complete a task or keep the group going? honestly i think nobody should be blamed for the failure of this particular event. maybe we could say these people are not doing enough for the event ( i know i once did feel that this particular person did not contribute much at all), but the failure of the event is caused by everyone, not just someone. let's stop the blaming game, guys. a setback is enough to see who are the determined ones.

think im talking about you? think twice. some people just do not know me well enough.

and another you, please think before you speak. sometimes the words that come outta your mouth are just so bloody stupid. i know that i shouldn't criticize anyone cos' i aint that oh-so-perfect as well, but honestly, shut up when you need to can! fine, i shall shut up about you now, too =S

sigh, i just love those who love me ( in some ways or another) for being, simply, me. thanks again, my dears.

i guess i really feel the need to thank those who love me as often as i can, cos' we do not know when we will die. maybe after this entry, i might (touch wood!) meet with some mishap and will not be able to type another entry to tell those people in my life how much i love them and all, how i'll miss them if i die, how they changed my life in some ways, how their little actions could brighten up my day so much. till the day i die, i will always remember those who came into my life and brightened it up for me. =)

it's so depressing to think of death, though it comes to all. indeed, i fear death. death to myself, death to those around me. it lurks so near to someone now, i fear.

i need all the hope and faith i can gather. god just give me some faith.

please. i need you, i really do. dont go, not now, not so soon.

ok, on a happier note, jd fortune is so hottttttt!!! "wow!" factor. haha. oh, and i saw my eye candy today. yeah i did. -blushes- and peili was like asking me "who, who?!" so loudly when he was like just so near me. (yes!) haha. i felt like smacking her head lah. but she was lucky cos' i didnt want to spoil my image. haha. but dear QM, dont worry, we'll get to see him some time soon again, im sure. =)

i know this show is like so passe, but Rockstar INXS is just so awesome!! it's so nice to see a reality show like this produce such fine talents, like jd, marty casey, jordis unga, mig ayesa and suzie mcneil. they're so talented. not to mention, hot. =)

and the roses start to bloom. but someday, it will wilt, and cease to exist.
the wind will blow away its remains, and we will forget it ever lived.

2006-03-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

first thing first. a loud shout-out to doug: DOUG, i swear i wasn't laughing at you when the goal went in! i was laughing at cheryl cos' when she blow the whistle she "zao sia" (which i do too)!! honestly, i didnt know you thought i was laughing at you. sorry about that. i shall stop laughing from now onwards if anyone zao sia. but really, i wasn't laughing at you lah doug! forgive me? =(

sometimes i laugh when im under stress. really. it's way better than breaking down when you're under stress.

anyway, i just wanted to say how disappointing it is to find your own teammates mercilessly criticize you when you are trying to learn. take today for example. there we are, the girls, trying to learn to referee. there they were, the guys ( i shall not name names), criticizing us for our poor refereeing skills. not that im trying to find an excuse, but honestly, that was the first time anyone of us actually referee a game so we really didnt know how to go about refereeing, so of course we would make some mistakes.

why we hesitate to call for a foul or goal? like i said, it's our first time, we're scared lah, hello. scared that we make the wrong calls and you guys criticize us again.

im not saying im not in the wrong. i know i wasnt serious enough during the game cos' i kept laughing, and i apologize for that. plus i know i wasnt strong and bold enough to make the calls and once again im sorry about that. but im learning, and i guarantee i will try my best to improve.

well, i guess this is one big lesson for me. i should be more serious from now on, whether on or off court. but guys, give us girls some support, will ya? please.

now that i've tried refereeing and all, i finally realize how tough a job as a referee is. the constant abusing and criticism they get, is really a lot of pressure. i salute to those who were brave and strong enough to take up the job as a referee. sigh.

oh yah, thanks keith (if you're reading this), for helping us girls out again. we really need more of people like you who did not look down on us or criticize us even though i know i referee like shit. thanks for giving us guidance and offering tips. =)

i guess learning is a process we all need to go through, and there will be its ups and downs. and yes cheryl, i will learn to turn a deaf ear to all that criticism shit.

and if anyone think refereeing is easy, try it yourself. you realize how difficult it is. after today, i will think twice about arguing with a referee or saying "com'on ref!" and if that certain someone thinks our refereeing sucks, i just wanna say, MR. _______________, we're learning, give us some time and we will prove to you how wrong you are.

once again, if i offended anyone during my refreeing today, im sorry yeah? cos' i swear i didnt mean it. really.

the via dolorosa journey.
but im fine, i wont cry.
im learning to be strong.
nothing will bring me down and shatter my heart.
learning to be cold.
sometimes, it doesnt pay to be nice.
it's really hard to be happy these days.
sigh.

2006-03-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

thank you for telling me something i thought i could never hear from you.

for now, my mom's the most important person in my life, above all.

i want her well, happy and free from that bastard illness of hers.

everything else can wait. which includes my happiness if that matters.

im enjoying life as it is, though it may be hell at certain times. (like now.)

im not in a rush for anything, i hope you understand.

perhaps you shouldn't waste time on a person like me.

haha it's ironical how i always wish i can have a decent relationship/friendship with a decent guy yet when it comes along i have to let it go. but then again, i guess i still have many years ahead so i shouldnt rush (yes katic and mart, i know. haha).

im clear on what i have to do, and i wont waste anytime making it clear.

people, bear with me if im too straightforward or unreasonable these days. im so fucking tired.

setting my piorities right.

martin: hornylicious, you said? haha.

2006-03-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

i got all Cs and Ds for my subjects, managing a GPA of 2.36 this semester. damn fucked up, considering i had a much higher GPA last semester. i want to get into an university, but with this kind of GPA, it's not gonna get me anywhere. argh.

i need to do something about it.

for my job today, i ended up being totally drenched from head to toe because of the rain. dripping wet. not that im complaining.

sometimes, it just feels so good to walk in the rain, feeling the rain against your skin.
and like how heaven is crying, it just feels as if you are crying along too.

i feel nostalgic all of a sudden. if only we would all be living in our past.

lying on the bed now and typing, im so overwhelmed with emotions now. somehow it seems, i feel so screwed up.

and im not ok, deep down i feel like fuck again. it seems like whatever i do, i cant seem to do things well and i always screw up in the end.

gosh, sometimes i just wish somebody could really really understand me. for who i am, what i do, and how i feel. honestly, nobody really does understand. not even my friends, or my family. my heart feels so trapped now.

maybe i was given the chance, and i foolishly chose to let it go.

and life is turning hell on me again. mom just had a relapse. she has to go thru chemo again. pray for her.

unfortunately, we would all have to succumb to fate ultimately. not that we want to, but it always seem to have the upper hand.

all i need now is faith, not words. faith in myself, faith in others. faith that somehow, somewhere, somebody is listening to what im saying. not what i say here, but what i say when i speak.

dont you think, that our bodies are just nothing but a place where our soul temporarily seeks shelter in, braving through the countless storms and the desirable sunshines and filled with the tears and joy, till the day when our souls are ready to be released to wherever it should belong to, its rightful home? i guess that place is heaven.

whatever has to come, will come.

im in love with sad songs now.

2006-03-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

sigh. the bittersweet affair. yes indeed, im sad and tired

3 of my guy friends got wasted last night at the party. but oh well at least i met one hot guy friend (think it's you? haha.)

oh theory test for the refereeing course was surprisingly so easy! but dang here comes the toughest one. practical test. geez.
and i told myself i shall try my best not to use the word fcuk as often as i do now. =)

do you believe in love at first sight?
should i walk on by
turn a blind eye, to love
love at first sight.

and even when your hope is gone,
move along, move along, just to make it thru.

move along, it's time to go.
you make me wonder, if waiting was wrong.
your love is an answer i could never get.

wasting no time to cry.

2006-03-05T23:31:00.002+08:00

liverpool drew charlton 0-0. pool's "god" robbie fowler had a goal disallowed. oh well.

anyway i just came back from bangkok on friday. the trip was really really nice! haha. i love the shopping, the tuk tuks, the thai people's smile, the company i had during the whole of the trip, and the nights of getting drunk and eating chips the whole night while watching tv and drifting in and out of sleep. but hey, the trip was a blast!

haha. charlene and her hyper-ness when she gets high, felix and his frightening bargaining skills, isaac and his highly dangerous dreadlocks, janice and her complaints about me (seems like i always punch her boobs.haha), charlene's mom(i dont know her name) and her nice, heart-warming and friendly personality. the trip was much more funnier with them around.

i love the shopping at markets in khao san and perhaps even pratunam. but bargaining with the thai people are really horrible. some try to rip us off because they know we're tourists, others refuse to sell us stuff if we try to bargain with them. tiring. but my bargaining skills did improve, and i cant stop thinking about converting thai baht to singapore dollars and vice versa. haha.

oh and then there were the tuk-tuks. i love this transport man! haha. sitting in a taxi is all too common and boring, but sitting in a tuk-tuk was really nice! though the tuk tuk's speed is only average, and the air and traffic in bangkok are enough to kill, i like the feeling of sitting in the vehicle, cruising through the traffic jam (because of it's size tuk-tuks are able to squeeze through some gaps normal cars can't) and beating the red lights (very common in thailand). nice!!

and sharing the hotel room with felix, janice and isaac was so damn funny. total madness. i shared the bed with isaac and janice, and basically at night we were always fighting about who gets to sleep where (i hate sleeping in the middle with the hole below me.haha). and then during the nights we would just eat lots and lots of potato chips, drink milk, drink alcohol, etc. etc. while watching cable tv and all. fun.

and some thai guys are really hot. saw quite a few at the clubs and during shopping. oh, i must mention, the clubs at bangkok are just so awesome! especially inch and route 66, they're like the Zouk and MOS of singapore. crazy. and mygoodness, there so many many many trannys in bangkok! ok i know im overreacting, but they're everywhere! geez. but some of them are so pretty. haha. some thai girls are really sweet and pretty too. ok, i can't help but check out guys and girls everywhere. yes. haha. oh, those tourists who go to bangkok, some of them are so darn hot too! haha. a feast for my eyes. haha.

boy, am i going to grow fat from eating all those junk food and buffet breakfasts the hotel provided. so jz, you got your wish. argh!!!!! M..US..T start jogging to cut some weight. bah.

i love going overseas with friends. charlene's mom is so nice and cool with us going clubbing!! she's one awesome lady. haha. love going overseas with friends, cos' there's not so much limitations and stuff. hah.

in conclusion, the bangkok trip was one really powerfully awesome trip! haha. =) thanks to all that made the trip so nice. (isaac, janice, charlene, felix, charlene's mom. =) yay)

now that im back, it's back to boring days for me. honestly i need to find a job soon. and i need to cut my hair or do something to my hair. the cost of cutting or dying my hair in bangkok is not much difference from singapore, so i'd rather cut it back in singapore. hee.

oh bummer. all of a sudden i just wish i was a model with a drop-dead handsome boyfriend.

but snap back to reality. i look so fcuking out of proportion to be a model. much less have a fcuking handsome boyfriend. ah, humbug. i wanna be pretty!!!!!! hahahaha. =X and before critics wanna try to criticize me again, i know im being superficial and im day-dreaming. but couldnt you just let me dream about being hot and all? hahaha.

i hate being an ugly duckling. =( [and jz, don't you even try to rub it in!! or i'll mess up your room and make it stink!! hah.]

oh yah chan, if you're seeing this, call me please!!!!!!!! soon!!! ASAP!!!! we got some catching up to do and i need you to tell me and me to tell you stuff too! haha. love ya babe. =)

you're such a dork. and i have given up on any hopes that you will understand what i had said, you fool. argh.

2006-02-27T00:43:00.000+08:00

guys, i've caught on the latest craze as well eh. so here's it.

http://www.kevan.org/johari?name=mAyBeLiN-

c'mon guys, help me out by doing this short erm..assessing survey! haha. c'mon!

and to those who did asked me to help them fill it up but i haven't got the chance to..sorry! post me your url again so i can do it for you all! this time i promise to do it! (shoutout to dee: i lost your url and i haven't done it yet! so post it to me so i can do it! haha thanks babe!)

today's boring. and dear ben didnt reply my sms so i didnt know if i could go down to beacon to collect my pay. oh well. bah jellybeans. next weekend perhaps. i ought to stop delaying, i know. bah.

2 more days till the bangkok trip. yipee. cant wait. haha. im going to do something to my hair. yeah. wheee!

and indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

2006-02-26T02:34:00.000+08:00

i started the morning quite badly. rubbish idiotic stuff. but anyway in the afternoon (or rather evening) i headed over to school for the floorball dinner.

i was on my way to TP, and then i overshot my bus stop. so i stopped at the bedok reservoir bus stop, and walked over to school via bedok reservoir. damn, i was so unlucky. the Bedok Reservoir-TP gate was locked, so i decided to climb over it. it was my first time doing it, and dang, i got caught by one of the old security guards. he lectured me about how dangerous it was to climb over the gate (yes i knew it was dangerous, but no way was i going to walk one big round just to go into the school), if i knew it was illegal to climb over the locked gate. half the time i was just thinking how unlucky i was to get caught by him. he was just sitting in the Mensa canteen and anticipating the chance to catch somebody climbing over the gate eh. hah. but anyway he let me off with a warning, on account that i will not repeat the same offence again and stuff. haha.

then there was the dinner. oh yah, congrats to Janice, Cheryl and Peili for becoming the captain, vice-captain and quartermistress respectively! you guys will lead us well, im sure. just dont slaughter us, auntie jan. =) dinner was alright, but it was abit..i dont know, boring? for 1) there was like lil' interactivity between the girls and guys, and 2) whatever happened to the TV in the lounge?! oh man. haha. but anyway a big THANK YOU to those who organized the dinner, like cheryl and farid. thanks guys.

i think im going to beacon to collect my paycheck tomorrow. which was like due 3247895898589 months ago. haha. please let me see 34 (this year) and all those regulars like johnson, elizabeth and all. been ages since i've seen them as well. wondering how they're doing. i thought of even asking johnson about the places we should go in bangkok, since he's been there so many times with his windsurfer buddies or his wife and family.

i realized how lucky i am to meet some of the most wonderful people in the world. they may not be famous or whatsoever, but they are the ones who came from all sorts of professions and differences to bring joy into my life, even if it seems so insignificant to them. thanks alot my friends. =)

i think i wanna pick up windsurfing soon. it's such a challenging sport, yeah? i think i'll enjoy it. HAHA.

you know, some broken pieces are just so hard to mend? like how some chose to speak ill of others, and then the cat is let out of the bag, and the heart is broken. the pieces are hard to mend, and even if they do, the scars remain forever. people always say to forgive and forget, but personally, it's easy to forgive, but just so damn hard to forget. i have forgiven, but i have not forgotten. to all those who are still by my side in sickness and in health (haha), im grateful.

yet another emo entry.

be my Casanova.

2006-02-25T03:44:00.000+08:00

i think im done with wishing about how he will drop by and give me that drop-dead smile of his, and pick me up. (haha i know, some wish huh.) like people say, it's wishful thinking. i bet he's having a hell of a good time with other ladies to notice my not-so-desperate cries for him. argh, balls.

dinner with cai and charmaine was such great fun. had our dinner at cafe cartel, plaza singapura. it's crazy times with them, oh how i love them. we joked about practically anything under the sun (mostly about men), laughed at our silliness, talked about secondary school, and ogled at guys. we exchanged view about guys, and gossiped like all girls do. i remarked on how it feels to be 18 this year and feel old when i see all those secondary school or primary school kids in their school uniforms.

and it turned out that cai may be coming over to TP to study eh, if her application is successful (which i pray that it will). i really hope to see her in school the next academic year (April 2006).

it's been ages since i've talked to my cadets and my sirs and madams from Peicai NPCC. honestly, i cant say im tremendously proud of Peicai, a neighbourhood secondary school which is famous for almost nothing. but i guess being in a school like this gave me less pressure from my parents and sibling to perform exceptionally well, and gave me more freedom to learn and have fun. though my secondary school aint that famous or highly ranked in the national standings, it did produce some fine students, like me (stop laughing). i always wondered how my life would turn out to be had i chose to stay in bradell-westlake secondary instead of transferring over to peicai. scary, aint it. oh, i really need to visit my cadets one day. at least they're no longer in the evil hands of that fishball "ah pui".

"fishball", "ah pui", scandals, the fights with scouts, the competition with st. john, the frequent punishments, losing our voice, bitching about our seniors and juniors, the camps, the gung-ho spirit even if it's 4am in the morning, all these have became a part of the memories i hold on to. sigh, the good ol' times.

there's the floorball dinner tomorrow. need to catch up some time with my floorball babes.

and i wonder, should i tell you? it's a decision that's so hard to decide.

NCOs: "To Serve, And To Lead" =)

2006-02-24T02:42:00.000+08:00

haha. so PPP, KKK and TTT (well isaac, i think i know who) is coming to FINALE @ Gotham. sweet! haha we're gonna have so much fun. hoho. oh yah. not to mention sa's keith will be coming too (i think).

ok, we need to sell tickets. more more more sales. c'mon people! FINALE @ Gotham! 9th March! $18 inclusive of 1 drink! haha. oh yeah. and the poster.

so people, be nice and come down to support the cmm council yeah? haha. and the year 3s, thanks to all those who are coming down to support us! but to those who said they dont want to come, ESP. the marketing class, honestly, it's frustrating yeah? we organize the party for you guys and all, but you guys dont even bother to support us. HELLO, what's the draw for you guys? it's YOUR party. duh.oh well.

hopefull the outing with cai tmr will still go on, and job hunting as well. the shopping at bangkok will burn a hole in my pocket. so need cash. haha.

oh, i just remembered. i had a pleasant surprise yesterday (wed). ok i was a lil' irritated with felix, but then there was the guest appearance of him. hoho, i just went red yesterday. haha. oh well. haha.

i have a craving for ikea's swedish meatballs still. oh, and mahjong as well.

your presence and voice never fail to bring a smile to me.

2006-02-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

"Casanova" is a pretty nice movie. i caught it today with Isaac, Corny, Sa and Tanya.
Giovanni Jacopo Casanova de Seingalt(1725-98), an Italian. known for his memoirs that describe his sexual encounters and other exploits. the movie revolves around him, and i feel that it's rather funny seeing him trying to woo this lady called Francesca. in my opinion, a rather nice, light-hearted movie? oh well. provided some entertainment. =)

well, some people really know how to get on my nerves sometimes. and erm to those who were with me in school today: sorry if i blew up at anyone of you today.i was just feeling really moody. thank you for tolerating me.

there are just some opinions that i just cant get myself to forget no matter how hard i try. not when that person kinda matters to me alot. like my parents, and my close friends.

ohhh, and there's the outing with cai on friday evening which i look forward too. been ages since i've met up with her. come to think of it, i miss alot of people from my secondary school and it's been long since i've met up with them.

i can feel the flu bug coming back to haunt me again. =(

Casanova Gone Wrong. (haha)

2006-02-22T04:54:00.000+08:00

HAH. it's 4.55am now, and im currently watching the liverpool-benefica match. i tell you, the referee is kinda fucked-up. even my mom agreed. he calls for the slightest stuff, but does not give freekicks when there are really fouls. and his judgement is so, so poor. he gives out yellow card like it's free. wth. and liverpool looks now the weaker side. benefica are playing like much better. bah. scary. liverpool are wasting too much chances. liverpool, win!! ohmygoodness. so tense. haha.

and now my mom scolds the referee "stupid". and even the commenter says "poor refereeing" like twice. but the referee deserves it anyway. like GRRRRRR.

school tomorrow to help out in the cmm grad party ticketing booth. we need money. i hope we come through to booking Gotham. i cannot imagine if we fail to book it. scary. but on a lighter note, the discussions we have about the cmm council promo video makes me look forward to filming the video. i think it will be fun.

oh, arsenal 1 and real madrid 0. surprise. i thought real would be the better side.

i need to work out. lose weight. BAH. if not i will gain weight again, and screw myself up. i cannot gain back whatever i tried to lose so desperately last time. haha.

call-out: everyone! FINALE @ Gotham Penthouse. 9th March 2006. Tickets going at $18 (Pre-Sale), $25 (Door-Price). Inclusive of one free drink. it will be loads of fun. so come on down! contact me quick! haha.

cheryl, like i always say, i'll be here if you need me. call me if you need to talk to someone. it's a tough journey, but you will have us to accompany you as you walk through it yeah? we always love you. =)

eh. i can't help it, but i must say: benefica's players are all so fucking FAKE. a slight touch or a slight clip on the leg and they fall as if they have been injured like so badly. like they have been stepped by an elephant. world class actors, i must say.

oh well.

i will walk through these lonely times and think, what went wrong?

2006-02-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

ohmygoodness. i just finish sending out the CMM Grad. Party emails to like 300 plus people. and my hands are kinda tired from typing. why? COS' I HAD TO TYPE OUT ALL THE EMAIL ADDRESS ONE BY ONE! which really sucks. the previous contact list sa send to me via emails couldnt be opened by anyone. so we ended up getting the hard copy of the whole CMM course contact list instead. and it's 300 odd people! (i think) ok maybe not that much, but still, it's hard work! but i was the only one with the contact list, so i guess i should do it. plus, vicnan's sick, so i shouldnt just chuck it to him and leave him alone to go thru this work. but anyway, im done with it, and boy am i happy. haha. but why is it that almost every class contact list seem to have these few particular person appearing on all classes? weird. but anyway.

i woke up like super early this morning to accompany my mom to bishan park where she practised her qigong while i just watched. i was too lazy and sleepy to jog. but anyway after that had a full breakfast with mom (one of the rare occasion that i actually eat breakfast with her), then did some housework, then head off to jalan kayu to pass my brother's friend (jane) some stuff he wants her to help him bring over to milan. after that council meeting, and then home. boring day huh.

i guess when it comes to mentioning the actual name of PPP, i get very agitated. haha i dont know why, but it's like a normal reaction to me eh? guys PLEASE dont mention his name infront of his good friends who dont know lah, i get very embarrassed can. haha. bloody ass. i heard some news which doesnt surprise me cos i already kinda predicted she would have done that. woman's instincts eh? oh well. i still love her nonetheless. haha.

hmm. SHORTFART. lol, what a nickname. haha, did i tell you all he kinda looks like the guy whom i used to like in primary school? freaky that i can still remember who i used to like like what, 6 years ago? haha. we shall see how it goes. HAHA.

oh yah. it seems like the bangkok trip is finalised. if all goes well (im really crossing my fingers my parents wont object of me going), we're going bangkok next week! haha.i cant wait to shop. hoho.

hey floorball peeps, in case you guys forget, the annual floorball dinner is on this SATURDAY. haha i didnt know until like this afternoon when i was talking to fidzoh! i knew it was on the 25th, but i didnt know it is on THIS saturday. so guys, do come down for the dinner! haha.

doug: eh uncle! who said liverpool won by luck?! rubbish lah can! man u lose only, fergie blames it on luck! it was so evident pool played better yeah! HAHA. =P

oh yah, i hope totti, alan smith, crouch and MY xabi alonso recover soon from whatever injuries they have. haha. that sums it up for this entry.

the strange feeling i have, is it paranoia?

2006-02-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

right, im not in the mood to really blog anyway, must be having pms now. sometimes, the hormones just get the better of me. oh well. steer clear of me. touch the wrong nerve and i may bite your head off. haha yeah.

ok, ignore the unnecessary rantings above. here are some pictures i'll keep for life.

me and my mom. lovely, aint it?

me and my auntie. they say i look like her more. do i? but we do share almost the same name. mabel and maybelin. =)

well those are some of the pictures we took at changi airport, where my family and my aunt's family send my brother off to italy.

the clubbing pictures that we took at Gotham will be uploaded as soon as i receive it from chandini. but adium's acting like a bitch, it keeps crashing on me. i think i have to wait till monday, when chan will send it to me hopefully via bluetooth.

the crashing waves. came and swept me away.

2006-02-16T04:13:00.000+08:00

i thought i did and said what was best for everybody.

now the cat is let out of his bag, maybe i was wrong.

i felt bad, no doubt.

i admit it was wrong to lie in the first place. but it was done to prevent you or anybody from getting hurt.

yeah, you have the right to feel hurt, lost , disappointed, and all the feelings you felt.

but try to understand, i didnt felt nice and wonderful too.

i make my mistakes too.

and if it were to cause drastic consequences, maybe im not worthy.

like the chinese saying goes, " the front of your hand has flesh, the back of your hand has also flesh."
all 3 of you are my friends. i dont wanna hurt anyone.

deem me unworthy, i tried my best.

maybe i shouldnt even be friends of the 3 of you.

what seems like so harmless, could evolve to be something so heartbreaking.

maybe i should feel deatched.

honestly, i dont know what to think or do.

if only life was a bed of roses.

2006-02-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

ohmygod.

first i must say, i did NOT dirty dance with isaac can! geez, he's too bapok-ish to dirty dance with! and he's my classmate, which makes it worse and so weird to dirty dance with! haha. and i danced on stage because of the pair of franz ferdinand tickets eh. which in the end we lost to some malay girl. so isaac, you owe me a pair of franz ferdinand tickets. haha. i felt like i ran 20 rounds of the track on stage. absolutely tiring. hah.

let me recall what happened on the actual day. so in the afternoon we went shopping for the clothes, which was so depressing for me. nah, it wasn't about the clothes, i think it had more to do with the menses im having now. but anyway after that chan and sa came over to my house to change and we had some last minute emergencies but everything was alright.

then we head over to Gotham, but before that we had to wait for isaac and corny to come first. and in the end, we missed the talk with nigel. but anyway belle did the deal for us. and it's confirmed. we will have the party.

so we hung out at Gotham, had this new drink called Vodka Enorm. bascially it's just vodka with this energy drink called Enorm. it tasted ok. then we decided to dance, and my, the DJ(s) was just really awesome! the music was like wow! haha.

and then you all know about the dancing with isaac on stage part, but i swear whatever we done on stage was for the pair of franz ferdinand tickets. and no, it did not come across my mind that i dirty dance with isaac at all, it would be so weird if we did!! haha. but for all the fun and laughter. and we didnt win the tickets! dang. haha, oh wells.

after that, we went down stage, and we all saw our dear sa hooking up with this guy called keith (the tall bloke) and my my, well done sa! we de-virginized you eh. haha, well done.

and me? i had my fair share of fun. all in the name of partying. and no isaac, no sugar daddy. c'mon. all in the name of partying. haha.

and corny, you wasted your chance with that indian babe!! oh man, you must be so heartbroken eh. haha.

after that we ordered mac at isaac's house, watched a bit of the liverpool-arsenal match, and then went to sleep. but i left isaac's house at around 6am anyway. corny, you're such a lazy pig. all you know is to SLEEP! -_-

oh well, pretty good night for valentine's day. no dates (nah, i by-passed it this year), no roses (my, are they expensive around this time of the year), no love (for the day), BUT, fun with my darlings (chan, sa, corny and isaac and all) in a night that was altogether fun in some sense.

i'm 18 this year, and i know what im doing. i know when and when not to cross the lines, so dont worry. im just having lots of fun now.

elvi babe, when you see this, call me or sms me ok? i want to share your problems and burden with you, yeah? take care babe. through the ups and downs, you'll learn to be a stronger person. =))

You've always been a tough girl,
but you feel you're about to break
You're feeling stuck and out of luck
watching your dreams all slip away
been working mornings in the kitchen
and working nights at the corner store
as your life goes by, you wonder why
and you know that there's got to be something more.

Hold on, but don't hold too tight
let go, it's going to be alright
don't run away from what your heart is sayin'
be strong, and face what you're afraid of
Come on, show them what you're made of
I know it's hard when your hope is gone
but you've gotta keep holding on.

You hear a voice that is calling
and it's telling you to make a change
it's time to fly, and say goodbye
and move on to a better place
you know you've got to take the first step
to get to where you wanna be
just get on track, and don't look back
'cause it's the only way that you're gona be free.

i must hold on.

2006-02-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

party time.

i wanna have fun fun fun and fun.

and nothing's going to stop me now.

certainly not you.

hey people, enjoy.

2006-02-14T03:07:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day my friends. i love you all. enjoy the day eh. =)

if my readers are wondering, nope, i don't have a date for this day. but, i'll be spending it well with a group of friends whom i love so much (haha, valentine's day is all about love). we'll probably shop in the afternoon, and then it's clubbing at night. if not, we'll probably chill at some bar or something. we all agreed to spend the night together, me, bapok, chan, corny, sa and a few others i think. it's much more fun to be with them than go on a date with somebody i don't really fancy in the first place, so yah.

well, council meeting today was alright i guess. not much of a chaos or war despite my gut feelings that i dread would happen. everyone was just calm and deal with the votes and results and everything calmly. cool. haha. im pretty damn sure some might be disappointed, and some might be happy with the results. but i guess, take it in your stride, and excel in your given position.

oh yah, im the secretary of cmm council now. well, i just kinda turn up for the meeting and the first thing i said was i wanted to run for the secretary position. kinda an impulsive move. but im totally comfortable with it though. i was supposed to be the quartermaster with isaac actually, but guess i was more ambitious in some ways. but im sure isaac and spencer will work well with each other, given the fact they said they will keep each other on a leash so they won't run away. haha.

lex, if you want her, go get her. don't hesitate no more. im sure you can do it. just make sure you have no regrets eh, dude. love ya and work hard and go for it! =)

gosh, i still feel so detached from the floorball peeps. sorry for not turning up for some events, i was really busy eh. and i miss all of you all badly. been so long since i've seen some of you, like after ivp we stopped training and we never play MAHJONG! already. oh well. im so glad the floorball dinner is coming soon. catch up some time, guys. love you all too. enjoy valentine's day. =)

anyways, Dave Chapelle is really funny man. ohmygod, i can just watch his video and start laughing until my stomach hurts so badly. haha martin the classic quote from Dave: "Click Click Click, Suck my Dick". MUHAHAHAHAHA.

eh, and i went jogging today with isaac. at bedok reservoir. then did some crutches and push-ups. my stamina sucks like shit now. really. i can't even jog the whole reservoir without having to stop. geez. i guess that's what happens when you stop training and working out for a few months and while you stop exercising and stuff you kept on loading yourself with tons of junk food and fatty food. from now on it's no oily stuff and fatty stuff and junk food for me. no more. i can't wait to start losing weight again and gaining my stamina back. now i sound like an exercising freak. haha.

i can't think of anything else to talk about. tomorrow, lah.

2006-02-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

believe it or not, i have this sick feeling that for tomorrow's cmm council meeting, it will spell only one word: WAR.
i know it sounds really bad that an organization should have internal arguements and stuff, but geez, look at what we are now guys.

it's pretty obvious everyone's so manipulative. it's born in everybody's blood. dont even try to deny it.as much as i hate to admit it, i have been like that, manipulative, on several occasions too in order to save my own ass and not get myself screwed ever so badly. everytime i tried to be nice to somebody(s), i only end up being bitten badly. if you ask me, it's pretty obvious where my allegiance lies with. like it or not, i guess it stays that way, unless other members can prove to me, or us, that they deserve that particular post than others do. people, there's no need to hide your disappointment, it just shows.

and you, stop bitching behind our backs, thinking that we dont know what's going on. we know. it might be another plot of yours, we do not know. but sometimes, instead of bitching about others, you should take a look at yourself. take a good look at yourself. are you that perfect? you're not. and everyone has their own talent and purpose in an organization(s), so you should really stop whatever you're saying. bitch about yourself before you bitch about others. god, talking about you just makes me tired.

i've seen so much of politics that i am fully aware of the drastic measures i have to sometimes make in order to escape being the victim of this "massacre". dont try to sound me out with your reasons and whatsoever. i have heard so much from so many people to know what im talking about.

like the lyrics in sugar babe's "ugly", they say "Everybody talks bad about somebody, And never realises how it affects somebody. And you bet it won't be forgotten."

as much as i detest you on several occasions, i still want you as a friend. yes i do, as a friend, not to gain anything from this friendship we have, but really, as a friend whom i can rant to whenever i feel down and also can still hang out with. and im not being manipulative when i say this.

oh, fuck the politics.

2006-02-12T01:34:00.001+08:00

the previous post has been removed to save martin from further agony he has to suffer everytime he visits my blog. MAX: tsk tsk. haha. =S anyway.

yesterday (friday) marks the end of my freshman year.and if my results turn out well and i pass i'll be moving on to year 2. i'll definitely be separated with my current class cos' we are all changing classes. i'll definitely miss them, no doubt, cos' there are such a crazy bunch and so great to be with and stuff. but like isaac said, a change is always good. and GENERALLY, i think all the cmm people from my batch are all very nice and crazy people. but with just a few exceptions. so i guess the change will be good. i guess. i hope i dont get ostracize in my new class!! yikes. i know im worrying too much.

i guess going to people's blog to slam the person is a really low act. i mean it seriously. i mean, who would like to see their own blog and tagboard being slammed by people, or worse, your friends? it's really heartbreaking you know. having fun at the expense of others by criticizing them is really cheap. and sad to say, im guilty of that too. but oh well. i'll be nicer. yes i will. haha..

oh yeah. liverpool won wigan 1-0, courtesy of sammi hypia. actually they should have won by a bigger margin, had it not been them wasting chances and wigan's keeper saving some nice shots. and chelsea lost 3-0, followed by arsenal drawing. yay! any news of chelsea losing is good news. gosh, did i mention i hate robben? that idiot, world class actor. he can get an oscar for that acting of his during the liverpool-chelsea game. got poor reina sent off. i mean c'mon, just a touch and you go down on the ground?! such great acting. liverpool should sue him if they can. he deserves it. HAH. now that 2 out of the 3 biggest rival teams have played and produced poor results, we just have to see how it goes for man u's match..though everyone knows i'll be hoping they'll lose (sorry chan! =S)..

suddenly, the bangkok trip looks to be postponed again..sigh. firstly, there's a protest going on in bangkok now.which makes the place unstable and unsafe for us to go, though i will be willing to take a risk. secondly, charlene cant go, which means that janice aint likely be going as well, i guess. which makes it only me and isaac left again. sigh. is it just so hard for me to get a break and escape from singapore eh? damn i wanna go bangkok so badly. sigh. oh well.

sentosa next week.anyone? time to get a tanning job. im so fair now.

i dont know why, but im really interested in photography now. i wanna take up photography as a hobby. but i have no camera with me now! JZ took his DSLR with him to italy. i have to wait like 6 months later to have a chance to play with it. maybe i'll borrow or something. actually, i realize that singapore has a lot of places and things photographers can take. we just need to capture the right things at the right time.

now that i have free time on my hand, since i have no exams (sorry people, i know im rubbing it in for those who have exams), i think i might wanna do something productive. like finding a job. anyone has any job to introduce? or, i might wanna try interning at esplanade, since they're looking for one. or i might do some volunteer work. maybe an old folk's home or something. i think it's time i do something nice for the old folk's to repay them back for all the things they have done that contributed to the country and made our lives somehow better than theirs. i know i sound corny and stuff, but if you think about it, how often do you actually do something nice for those old folks? i seldom do, except maybe giving up my seat to them. maybe we should all do something more than that. i should.

was reading the newspapers recently, and i came across this report of this clementi guy who raped a 67 year old widow and sodomised a 19 year old virgin.i think serial rapists or even rapists are sick. seriously, how can you even rape a 67 year old lady?! fucking sick bastard. i mean, go rape a plastic doll or wank at the girls showing on TV for all i care, but how can you even rape girls or even guys, and even those who are old or still a child?! outrageous! think of how they will be traumatized man. do those rapists even think?! fucking idiots. seriously, they're real idiots, and a real disgrace to the society.

i just realized im ranting again. oh well. guess it's in my blood to rant. but a blog's for me to rant, right? haha.

oh yah, not to forget, i just wanna say a big BEST OF LUCK to all those who are having their exams and studying right now! work hard peeps! and to those who just received their o' level results, even though your results may not be fantastic or worse really bad, dont give up. it's not the end of the world, really. you can still do lots of things and find a way out.

minru if you are reading this, dont worry so much. im sure you will be able to find a solution. =)

and elvi, like i said, if you need someone to rant to, im here always. dont feel sad or disheartened, a lot of us are always here to help you out. through you ups and downs. i hope your mom gets well really soon. and you too. cheer up yeah? smile for us. for me. haha. =))

2006-02-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

im feeling rather moody now.thanks spencie and shumz for cheering me up in one way or another, but i still feel a bit lousy.

it seems like so long since i've hung out with my floorball peeps, that i kinda feel detached from them now. i dont really know what is going on and stuff, like i've cut off contact with most of them. i guess projects and deadlines are really making it hard to find time, or maybe it's just me. geez.

and, im really nervous about friday. please dont let me screw it up on friday. i cannot afford to screw up my per comm presentation and mm prin test on friday. nonononononononononono. please dont let me screw it up. please let it all go smoothly.

how i wish i was there with you, but i couldn't.
but why?
because simply, it was a dream.

i feel like an outcast of the society.
how weird. and scary.